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Dear Mr. Shoulder Raper ... Charges will be pressed

Dear Mr. Shoulder Rapist, 

Listen, I don't know what Sam's shoulder does to you but this has to stop! Every time he see's you he is climbing up my front side or clawing at a wall trying to break free. Let's recap what you did to my poor poor Sam. < insert flowing clouds > Sam and I are having our normal ride down and this gentleman gets on the elevator with us. Sam moves to the side and the guys is staring at his shoulder like it's a fresh chicken in a village of homeless people. He reaches out his hand and places it upon Sam's shoulder. He then rubs it HARD and caresses Sam's shoulder. Sam is not able to handle this and I can see the tears coming alive in his face. Now this is 4 floors he has been holding on to Sam's shoulder. We get to the first floor and same shoots out like people wish their roaches did when company is over. 

Now to me this is the funniest shat I have seen. I grown man caressing another man's shoulder like that ..... I laughed so hard I couldn't breathe. Sam was not your first victim ..... You were tttttoooo good at working that shoulder over making it your BIH! 

So let's take a few things into consideration :
- let's not touch other people in the elevator 
- buy one of those blankets that Harry Potter has for when you see Sam, you can throw it on you because I swear he has a panic attack every time we see you and I can't take it! I'll have abs by March if we see you everyday.
- let your wife dress you because you're never put together. Oh wait, maybe you don't like women ..... maybe shoulders are your thing ... hhhmmmm
- stop with the comb over, it makes you way more creepier than need be


xoxoxo
Sam's Bodyguard,but he's no Whitney Houston 

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