Dear Mr. Elevator Man

Me : Hi, Can I have a Sausage Biscuit and a Hashbrown. That will be all. Worker : Ok so that's a Sausage Biscuit, Bacon and cheese Biscuit and a hashbrown. Would you like something to drink with that. Me : No, that's wrong. I want A sausage Biscuit, and 1 hashbrown. That's it. ( still in a good mood )  Worker : Ok so that's 2 Sausage Biscuits and 1 hashbrown. Does this complete your order. Me : ( over it at this point ) NO!! * leans out the window* I JUST WANT ONE, SINGLE SAUSAGE BISCUIT AND ONE ORDER OF HASHBROWN. ONE OF EACH. JUST ONE, UNO.  Worker : Ma'am please hold so that I can correct your older. Me : -__- you have GOTS to be kidding me Worker : Ma'am was that just a regular sausage biscuit? Me : Is there someone else in there to help you, because I'm not sure where we are missing the blue's clues. Worker : Excuse me? Me : Do you need me to pull up to the window? Worker : No ma'am. I have your uno sausage and uno ha...

I haven't seen you since last week and I thought you would be mad at me. YET you are leaning over me, giving me the goo-goo eyes. * que song " bag back bag back, give me 50 ft, give me 50 ft, give me 50 ft" * And what in the hell are you talking about, mistletoe  and holiday spirit ..... Let me just play back the scene for you.  I bend down to tie my shoe and look up and here you are .... grinning like a fool! Me : You should really make a noise before you sneak up on people MEM : laughs Your so little. You had to get all the way down just to tie your boots.   Me : whatever  MEM : Don't you just love the Christmas Holiday. I love this time of the year.   Me : I do love this time of the year.  Now your leaning over me   MEM : So have you been naughty or nice this year? Me : Excuse me? MEM : I am Santa's little helper and I need to know so I can report back.  Me : 0_o I've been VERY nice. Wouldn't you say? MEM: ...

Dear Mr. Shoulder Rapist,  Listen, I don't know what Sam's shoulder does to you but this has to stop! Every time he see's you he is climbing up my front side or clawing at a wall trying to break free. Let's recap what you did to my poor poor Sam. < insert flowing clouds > Sam and I are having our normal ride down and this gentleman gets on the elevator with us. Sam moves to the side and the guys is staring at his shoulder like it's a fresh chicken in a village of homeless people. He reaches out his hand and places it upon Sam's shoulder. He then rubs it HARD and caresses Sam's shoulder. Sam is not able to handle this and I can see the tears coming alive in his face. Now this is 4 floors he has been holding on to Sam's shoulder. We get to the first floor and same shoots out like people wish their roaches did when company is over.   Now to me this is the funniest shat I have seen. I grown man caressing another man's shoulder like that ..... ...

Its your lucky day! Since I couldn't decide to tell about the ride today with MMM or the date update, I'm doing both.  Update on Date :  I worked late yesterday and caught him on the way down. I now know what floor he works on but I really wish I didn't. The less I know about him the less real I can make him be.  So, you texted her and she was pretty upset about the $50? Can you really blame her? It's like you were paying her for her services. I know you don't get it, I can tell by the look on your face, but trust me you kinda pimp slap her. Your mad because she is giving it back. Didn't I tell you she was going to do that? OK so the list of things she wants on the next date is : you to dress down, not spend over $50 on food, and somewhere local. Sam and I think this will be the final date. I really like this girl, but she is pushing it with MEM. You'll know he is flashy and demanding.  Take her to Chillis and call it a day MEM. Your a texter, she'...

Another random post from you know who :)  I just want to say thanks for everyone who enjoys this blog. This started out as an idea that a friend suggested from FB and has turned into a pretty amazing thing for me. I have about 40 post, with over 1800 views. Can you believe that? With all the misspelled words, and misplaced words in this blog you would think people would be like " this girl needs to go back to school". NOPE! I'm still paying back student loans now.  So just a few random thoughts and answers to your questions. I really have emails!!! I'm still in denial, don't worry.  1. I don't think I'm funny. I just write whatever comes to mind.  2. Yes, there is really a MEM. My friend "Sam" has seen him on the elevator.  3. I am still thinking about accepting your "profiles" for MEM. IDK. You guys are kinda cray. 4.Yes I know my blog is super wack. Aint nobody ask you to be nasty! HOE! I didn't think people were going...

Lets just say I have some hate mail going on in my inbox about this situation. Someone even suggested that I ask you guys to send me pictures to send to him. Listen, I can't even believe people are reading my blog, let alone hook up my stranger elevator ride friend with my stranger readers. LOL. I will keep this in mind. I will have to swing it some type of way because he doesn't know about this blog.  ANYWHO on to the good stuff : The Date!!! * que lighting and thunder*  He went to pick her up and SHE changed the plans. He was going to take her out to wine and dine her but she said NO SIR! I love her already. She invited him in where she had a full meal prepared, with wine and dessert. He was totally shocked. The meal was steak, salad, asparagus, homemade mash potatoes, and rolls. There was a cheese tray to start off with. Well isn't she fancy. If I can take how he was smiling as he was telling me the story, he had a great time. Did i mention he was standing outs...

Listen, I'm not sure why you are locking eyes with me in this conference meeting but it's freaking me out. I was told that it's a rule not to find your "pretty pretty" person while public speaking. Let's just say you failed!!!! I'm not sure if it's the big afro that I have going on today but Mr.Scary man I am NOT trying to be one of your many wives. Then you started saying my name ....... your flipping creepy. I just keep thinking I'm going to get trapped in the elevator with you and the lights are going to flicker and you'll be on top of me like white on rice. You like 6'5 and I'm just 5'3...... You will not be trying to MJ .... nevermind .... that just made my stomach hurt. Listen, I'm not interested. Those 30 second stares you can keep because I have never counted ceiling tiles so fast in my life!! xoxoxo There are 8 on each row

Listen, I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR A HOSTILE ELEVATOR RIDE!! If you would not act like a FREAK when people got on the elevator with us, I mean this is a seven story building, I would introduce you. So since you are mad at me I'll just tell you anyways. The guy on the elevator is Mr. Motorcycle Man. I'm not sure why you felt the need to roll your eyes when he got on and started talking to me, * que mean girls* but you sir need to get a grip. I feel like I'm in a love triangle and I don't even know you people!!!!! I swear I'm going to start taking the stairs. Mr. Motorcycle man is NOT the " new you" as you put it. I can't even believe I am having this conversation with you, I still don't even know you DAMN NAME!! OMG, I just ................................................................................ You my dear need to get back with that girl sexing you like crazy because your losing it. Next elevator ride, I am taking your picture and I am startin...

Dear Mr Elevator Man,  Your parents seem to be a big piece of your "rushness" * not sure if thats a word but this is my blog so ....... * with getting married and having this big family RIGHT NOW. I don't think you are ready for that at all. I'm thinking of creating you a match.com profile and managing it. I still say you should just adopt a black child and name it Bamshika, and I will still shop for her and do her hair. BAHA! Listen, take my advice and chill out with the dating thing. For one you don't know how to date because every girl is going to say yes to you when they see you with your custom car and your "suit" talking about I'm an exec. SMH. I think our next encounter we are going to get off the elevator < insert oooohhhhhs here> and I'm going to give you step one to dating. SHUT UP! That's what you need to do from now on. You are the gold these women are digging for.  xoxoxo Your Magic City Twerk Team Match Maker  PS ...

So......... Many people have asked me " Who is Mr Elevator Man"? Hell I don't know! This very fine man started talking to me on the elevator at work. I don't know his name, or where he works. So ....... me and my friend think that Mr. Elevator Man is ........................... THE JANITOR!!! Ok, we are not sure but listen he could be anyone. I think he see's me come in on the monitors in the lobby, rushes to change clothes, and then runs to the top floor and rides it down to me. Yes that is a lot to do in 60 seconds, but he may already have the pants and shirt on. I always see a badge but it's blank. So if he was the clean up executive/technician, then he wouldn't have his photo on his badge. Yup and his car could be his brothers, sisters boyfriend who is really his best friend from college that he let him borrow when he was house sitting for him, when he went out of the country to help the poor children of three world countries. YUP ... ...