Dear Mr. Elevator Man

So this isn't going to be the typical MEM letter, I am REALLY about to just tell you'll how it all happened. I AM OVER MEM! He is ENGAGED! Yes to the girl that stood him up, they haven't even "been together" for 6 months. Conversation below : MEM : Long time no See .. Me : I should say so .... MEM : I have news Me : * rolls eyes, pinches nose * go ahead MEM: I'm engaged. Me: 0_0 ..... to Jesus I hope? MEM : No to ( you guys know her as Stand Up Lady, I won't put her real name ) Me : You GOTS to be smoking crack right? You on that meth? Let me see your teeth! MEM : Whoa Whoa whats your deal? Me : What do you mean WHAT IS MY DEAL! You are engaged to someone you don't know. I can't do this. Like I CANNOT do this. Why would you get engaged to someone you don't know. You are in such of a rush to "be with someone " you don't care who it is. Jesus take the wheel! MEM : Why are you all in an uproar. I love her, she loves me....

Dear Mr. Elevator Man,  I just want to hug you right now. Like I'm sad, pissed and frustrated!! I've never been stood up but I know there are ways that people can prevent this. So I am going to leave you here and address pretty little miss ..................... Dear Ungrateful Piece of Ass,  YOU NO NO HOW TO USE PHONE?! Why would you stand someone up? Listen here you snot nose, wanna be bunny ranch worker, hamburger-helper serving, flat butt heifer!!!!!! You call when you can't make it! You send a bird, superman, those little things on despicable me, SOMETHING! Now I begged this damn man to take you out again, because let's face it hunny ...... YOU WERE NOT CUTTING IT! Then you <insert HARD curse word> it UP!!! Calm down Shanice . Did you see he's face? OOOOOFFFFF Course your "i shoot animals for fun hunting" ass didn't! So let me run down this ....... He called you earlier that morning to confirm ....... You said your going to be there ...