Dear Mr. Elevator Man

Your best guess is my best guess. Is it weird that I look for him now? I feel like he is my kid coming home from college and I'm waiting for my update. I'm waiting to see his first girlfriend from college or for him to tell me about how he likes this girl but he needs moms advice. Don't judge me! After our last encounter, I was weirded out; but I am itching to get my weekly fix! Hello, my name is Shanice and I'm addicted to MEM updates. They say the first step is admitting it, right? I don't want to date him. I hate that pretty much everyone thinks I want to date him. That is f'n nasty! Don't get me wrong, he is easy on the eyes .... BUT my heart belongs to someone else. So let's see ... I think he is somewhere on vacation, hooking up with as many women as he can. He will come back and tell me all about his adventures, and I will judge him. ( Because that's what I do.) He will tell me he has met THE ONE, yet again. I will know nothing about her but I...

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ................................. MEM you are a grumpy, sad , pouting MESS! Standing there with your Starbucks coffee,with your tailored suit on ... .GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!! I don't know what else to do. Like ............ ok, you got stood up, it sucks, let's move on. I know your thinking, how did I "MEM, Exec. blah blah, meh, meh, meh" get stood up. Shit happens. Sidebar : I literally have on all black, with a sweater jacket, with my glasses on. I really tapped into my un-creditable counselor today. This is really becoming a career for me. So, we have no one to bring to the holiday dinners this year. Let's keep it that way. Stop trying to find someone to show off. At this point, I just want to call your family and have a come to Jesus meeting. Like jump into the ocean, locate Nemo, tell Dory I said hello, go find the Lil Mermaid and ask the hoe to get some legs and be with you. Like I don't know what else I can do to ...