Dear Mr. Elevator Man

Dear Mr. Handsie,  I am just trying to pay for my gas and keep it moving. I know that I have this head scarf wrapped around my face in a way that seems to turn you on ..................... but this little chicken right here wants you to place those hands BACK behind the counter. ARE YOU RUBBING THE SIDE OF MY HEAD?? WHY! OMG, your hand is running down my arm. Don't freak out, don't freak out ... Get your 4 wives having, gas station owning, wrinkle face hands OFF OF ME!!! I don't know what it is about me that makes you think that you can put that fragile hands on me but listen up Barney and Friends ..... that aint me! And why is the Sweet name of JESUS are you trying to take my dang scarf off to see my face!! Mr. Creepy Mac Creep A Lot SSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!! You would think me saying " Get your hands the F off of me" would be kind of harsh, but your smiling. 0.o Here's a tip, if you wanted to make me wife number how ever many, you could'...

Dear Mr. Shoulder Rapist,  Listen, I don't know what Sam's shoulder does to you but this has to stop! Every time he see's you he is climbing up my front side or clawing at a wall trying to break free. Let's recap what you did to my poor poor Sam. < insert flowing clouds > Sam and I are having our normal ride down and this gentleman gets on the elevator with us. Sam moves to the side and the guys is staring at his shoulder like it's a fresh chicken in a village of homeless people. He reaches out his hand and places it upon Sam's shoulder. He then rubs it HARD and caresses Sam's shoulder. Sam is not able to handle this and I can see the tears coming alive in his face. Now this is 4 floors he has been holding on to Sam's shoulder. We get to the first floor and same shoots out like people wish their roaches did when company is over.   Now to me this is the funniest shat I have seen. I grown man caressing another man's shoulder like that ..... ...

BALLS!! His and Her I LLLLOOVVEEEE Christmas! I have lived in my apartment for about 3 years and the Hunny and I have not put up a Christmas tree ever. Who are we, The Stooges?  I put my foot down this year and we are getting a tree. With that being said, I went to The Dollar Tree and made it rain!!!!! Photos above are just some of the things we picked up. I still have tons more to get, like an actual tree *side eyes*,  but I have 98.5 % of my decoration. The Dollar Tree has some really nice ornaments and other things to rack up on. I mean It's all just $1, CHARGE IT UP! I'll post more photos after Christmas of the tree in all it's glory. Honestly before you hit up the Supers, check out your local dollar tree for some goodies. - No I'm not being paid to say this. Just wanted to share my findings. -  Yeah, I'm still mad about MEM getting stood up . (click here for story)   I have over 2200 reads and I just want to say Thanks to everyone wh...

Dear Cashier,  I am a woman, you are a woman, therefore I see what you are doing. I really don't want to curse you out in front of all these people, but that little hidden flirting thing your doing, I'M NOT HERE FOR IT . All that extra giggling and eye raping your doing to my man is going to make me Carrie your butt. I just don't understand why people test us girlfriends. I am NOT his sister, cousin, cool friend, or jump off. We are buying groceries and household good for the sake of your quick weave!!! I clearly just said do you have your card, or do I need to use mines, that should let you know. But still you ignore me, won't make eye contact with me, but if I reach over this counter and smack the shit out of you I bet you look at me then. No matter how many times you giggle and look at him girl he is not checking for you. He knows whats going on and he knows I'm crazy so therefor, DISCOUNT DOUBLE CHECK , and bag this shit up!  xoxoxox Crazy Bih in lane 5 ...