Dear Mr. Elevator Man

Hello, my name is D and I am bisexual.  I told my mom and she cried.

I had a long weekend. Sleep was NOT anywhere to be found. Yes, not anywhere. I don't want to see another paint brush, Swiffer sheet, dish rag, or human in my house for AT LEAST 2 weeks. Now don't get me wrong, I'm glad my home is put together and that my family/friends came down for the holiday. IT WAS JUST A LOT! So today, I'm annoyed. Wanna know why, well I'll tell you boo! Your so sweet for asking.

Are the kind words that were whispered in the club on Saturday. Hey Ya'll!!! Miss me? If you haven't noticed Mondays are now "D's" post days. But he pissed me off, then I pissed him off; so now we are having a time out. I'll tell you all about it on Vlog Thursday! My nerves to damn bad right now, and since I am living the healthy life {insert side eye} I don't have any juice to go with my 1800 coconut so whatever. 1.This is my last week in my apartment and I'm still homeless like shit. I'm going to do a Vlog about trying to rent while black. SMH. Listen, this shat is so fn difficult. I'm over it. Like OVER IT!!!! 2.I'm not ready for Summer. I'm not talking about my weight, I'm talking about this HEAT!! OMGOSH you'll it was 97 degree's yesterday and I had a NASTY attitude. I can't deal with heat. I know, I know, Shanice, you live in the south. Yes, you are correct but girl ... show me someone that likes above 90 ...

Dear D, You make my balls hurt and I don't even have any. Every time I get an email from you, I have to take a deep breath, take about 20 steps, come back to my computer and go from there. Here's my little advice for you, or whatever. Lamount : It's a setup. Let it go. Stop being around him. Clearly he is a REAL down-low man, and you already know how I feel about them. I can applaud you on not being like him in that way, but that's about all I can give you a round of applause on. And how could you let him almost ... I mean you just finished peeing .. ok I can't .. my stomach is starting to hurt. Nasty ass .... Mellow Yellow : He is going to push you out of this corner, because I'm not sure if it's a closet, one way or another. I'm not sure where you took the wrong turn with him, but he is UPSET. Only thing worst than an upset queen, is a person with all their groceries in their cart and their EBT card has $0. Gotta take all that shat back. That...

Guest Spot today!!! Today's Guest is my mean cousin Tonya. Yes, she is very mean. LOL. She tourted me as a child, but also taught me that if people don't like you ... F THEM! I used to be a big cry baby way way way ( really not that far back ) in the day, and she would hit me and say suck it up! She is one of my closest cousin, and still looks 16 years old. Let's check out her take on my next reader letter! Thanks Girl! Love you!

Didn't read part One? I wasn't able to get a word out before Mellow Yellow was all over Lamount. Screaming at him about being a back stabbing bitch and other shit. I grabbed Mellow Yellow off of Lamount, and he starts whalling on me. In my mind I'm thinking, I really fucked with someone in one of my other lives. Mellow Yellow is telling me, I'm a piece of shit for taking seconds. Lamount chimes his smart ass in stating " No honey, you are trying to have seconds. I been had him, and will again, before you ever get the chance." Now I am back to trying to get Mellow Yellow off of Lamount. Lamount girlfriend burst in the room screaming WTF is going on. I think all the blood in my body rushed to my head, because I just wanted to pass out to distract everyone. Mellow Yellow opens his queen ass mouth and tells the girl we are all sleeping together. Yup, I die right there on the spot. I feel like I have just been pushed out of the closet that I didn't even kn...

I got wasted. Let's just start there. ( sidebar, I love how D writes like this is a book. LOL) I got a text from the ex saying she was pregnant. ( que usher's confession's ) Why would you text me that? That's so , well I don't know what to call it but damn you could call me!! I don't think it's mines. We always use protection. Well unless it was before we broke up. Damn!!! I don't want a baby by her. I want a baby by my wife. ( it's called STRAP UP! STUPID!) So I went to a dinner at Lamount's house, and I knew it was a bad idea from jump. Ol' girl is still mad at me about the ex but we are still rocking. You cannot guess who opened the door for me. MELLOW YELLOW!!!! I could've passed out right there. This is a party, so we are eating and drinking. I mean I am sleeping upstairs so I don't care about how much I"m drinking. So you know the more you drink, the more you pee. I went to the bathroom in Lamount's room because the...

Before we get into this letter, I just want to say that I personally do not condone the word Fag. I think it's a horrible word, and should never be used.  Also the language on this post is very uummm adult like. So you've been warned. Now lets get this show on the road shall we .... This week has to be try the FUCK out of D week. I can't win for losing. I try to get comfortable in my own skin and shit hits the fan. I shouldn't have fucked those two girls last week.

I'm tired. I am really tired of these guys trying me.  I went over to ol' girls house for dinner. I get there and she says her neighbor invited us for dinner. At this point, I'm already over here and hungry so I just decided to go. We go downstairs to Lamount's and I already know this is not about to go well. We sit down waiting for the "final touches" to be added to the food and I ask where his girl is ...... He replies " she was called in to work, so it's just us" . I'm ready to go Shanice. Like I am standing up like oh well we don't want to put you in a bind, we can go get something. This retarded ass girl says no, lets stay, he already cooked. If I could've dropped her ass right there on that floor, I would've. No I don't beat women but SHIT! Dinner starts and small talk happens, this slick ass man says :  Lamount : So did D tell you we knew each other? ME : 0_0 Her : Oh no, he didn't. How do you guys know each o...

Its Tuesday Tuesday TTTUUUUUEEEESSSDAY!! If you haven't seen Norbit, you don't know what I'm talking about. Anyway, I have many of you guys asking me about more "personal" information about D.  SSSSOOOOOOOOO ..... Shanice,  This is so weird but here you go. My name is Demetrius, I was advised not to say my real name or she would take it out anyways. LOL. I am from Puerto Rico. I am black and Puerto Rican. I moved to Fort Lauderdale, FL when I was young. I go to school in LA( the state, not the city). I am double majoring in Social Work and Business Mgnt. I want to open my own social worker based company. I never noticed boys until I got to college. I barely noticed them until Lamount kept talking to me. You may think " oh he turned you" but I don't see it that way. Although we have never had sex, I still consider myself a bisexual. I do not want to marry a man. I want a wife and 3 kids. I don't think I will get to the point to have sex w...

AH-LLO! So the last entry I had for Demetrius that I emailed him back, I cursed him OUT! So instead of posting what I wrote him back, I am going to Red Insert my comments in this next email to me. For all the new readers : Hello, I'm ratchet, I barely spell check, I say tons of things wrong and I love the Lord. Lets get on with the show shall we ..... Shanice,  I'm not really sure how I feel about your last email. I know you mean well but sometimes I feel that you are harder on me than you should be. ( I'm not harder on you, I just want you to wake up and realize your going in circles. Remember I am not your personal friend. I'm not going to hold back because that's not what you come to me for. I still love you puddin!)  You keep saying make up your mind, but it's not that easy. ( I know that I push you hard to see what it is you want. This limbo that you are in, kills me because I just want you to be happy and comfortable.)  I do come to you for your hon...

I've been missing, this I am aware of. Honestly, I have been doing, as you would say , the most. LOL. So I'm just going to tell it to you straight. I already know you are going to flip but shit that's why I write to you. Ok. so that night after the "breakup", I went out with the boys to lift my spirits. I met this girl. She was so bad. I mean mama was thick and brown, wavy shoulder length hair, a fucking skin tight white dress on. We chalked it up and long story short, I smashed that night. She cooked breakfast the next morning, and I smashed again. I was on another level high. She went home and we went out later that night. It was everything I needed to take my mind off of everything. I saw Mellow Yellow at the restaurant with some nigga. It's a local spot so I wasn't tripping, I knew people would see us. Plus I was hoping, as you call her, slut bucket was there to see me in all my glory. He was being a messy gay ass man and texting me while I was out wi...

Dear D,  Well MY GAWD .... you didn't have to wet me down with all that! You could've given me half the peppermint, like my Granny use to do in church and I would've been fine. But ooohhhhh no .. you just had to give me the whole piece of peppermint ... KNOWING GOOD DAMN WELL I was gone choke! Before I get to my part I just want to let you know the MEM community readers are HERE FOR YOU! I have been on conference calls, group texts, forwarded emails .. chile a bird came down and was like sssoooo tha fack is up with Mellow Yellow. So just know .. your strength cometh from these readers. :)  Now on to you ..... I mean I feel bad, but I don't feel bad. From day UNO I told you to leave that slut bucket, but you didn't listen. Ok slut bucket maybe a little harsh, but again .. this my shit .. you'll don't pay these bills. Now you all in your feelings " but shanice I love her " . Well that's all good and well but YOU were already trying to get ri...

This is going to be a little lengthy so I can get you'll caught up! I also want to send my condolences out to my lovely reader/friend Jennifer. She lost her father this weekend. Please send up a prayer for her and her family to help them through this time. I have not lost a parent so I do not understand the hurt she is going through but I pray that God keeps her in this time. I am DONE! Can you believe she cheated on ME? I have did nothing but be the best me I could be. ( Lets recap shall we .... Demetrius and his girlfriend do not live together. Lets just thank God for that already. He starts to feel bad about not really paying attention to her and gets the roommate to let him in so he can plan this special day. First off, ummm miss roommate, you gone get your butt kicked for letting folks in without my permission! Anywho back to the story ... he is going to set up her room with candles and things, and cook. While he is in her room setting things up he starts to find guy items....

I'm tired .... I know I know I haven't posted about MEM or D and I hear you all loud and clear. I am just not here for blogging right now. Probably because I have to piece together the emails to get an entire post from D but whatever .. Here is my randomness for today .. * HI Tonya ! * 1. This weather in Atlanta has been my emotions lately. I'm happy on the weekends and its 70 degrees out and its cold as SHAT during the week ... and I've been moody. I have decided to start doing the sunshine dance on Monday's and see if that works or whateva .... So if your in Atlanta and you see a professionally dressed black lady looking like she is harlem shaking .. just keep on driving .... I'm just calling the sun ...  2. Can you'll stop beating your kids in public and recording it? Like GAH DAMN you are signing yourself over to the police. Half of it IS CHILD ABUSE! You MF are crazy! I saw a father dragging his daughter by her hair .... nah shawty I'm moving ou...

From Demetrius I'm in red with my sidebars , no I'm not Jesus.  OMG you replied! Finally. I am so happy you wrote me back ( I don't know why hunny, I am just a regular girl.)  I have completely been to myself, in my shell, with all of this that is happening. I cannot stop thinking about this guy and my girl is seriously getting on my nerves. (Cause you need to leave her ass, your gay shit!) You asked me if I love her, and I do. I love her, but I'm not in love with her. (BINGO! That's what I said) No, I never dated her to cover up anything. I dated her because she is attractive, funny, smart and I liked her. Ha! I keep saying I "liked" her, but I still like her. I think I was in love with her once, but things got to comfortable. I just reply I love you back like a robot. Do you think this guy is just a phase with me? I have not text him but we have walked from class together and had small talk. It is so easy to talk to him. My girl saw us talking by th...

Dear Demetrius,  Thanks for emailing me, although I feel like I'm more of an outlet for you to express yourself, I will help as much as I can. Now let me just let yo ass know one damn thing, if ANY of my advice backfires, I don't have NO MONIES so don't be trying to sue me. You ass will get some old ass duck sauce and ketchup packets in my draw at home. Oh and some Taco Bell sauce packets too, although I wouldn't trust those.  Any who back to your letters chile, hunny that was A LOT! I applaud you for having the courage to even write me. Although you don't know me, I am honored to be the one you picked to talk to. NAH ON TO THE REAL STUFF ....  1. You need to figure out what you want. This guy has flipped your world upside down. I think you just need to come to terms that you are gay. Now again, I'm not gay, so I hope this isn't harsh, and I know it's not as easy and I am putting it. Own it! Yes you are a black man, and your bisexual. OWN IT! 2....

Catch Part One The Fear to open myself up to this lifestyle is just something that I don't think I can fully do. I have always wanted to get married to a woman and have children. It had never crossed my mind to be with a man. Now that's all I can think about is MEN! As I am writing this, I have saved the guys number in my phone, and have actually written a text. I want to send it. I REALLY want to send it. I can't because I keep hearing my girlfriends soft laughter at whatever she's watching on tv. The urge to tell her to get out so I can do my dirty work is over powering me. This isn't right. right? I still don't understand why I am writing you, but you seem like a very non judgmental person. Maybe it's because I don't know you, it's easy for me to talk to you. Maybe I should start a blog. Do you think I should call this guy? I mean as college students we are advise to explore. I don't know. I have erased the message, and I'm going to watc...

So I get emails from people asking me odd things, trying to charge me for shat, and most of the time I just trash them all. This one guy KEPT emailing me, so I decided to see what was up. Meet Demetrius. No this isn't his real name, but he told me I could rename him. LOL. I will be sharing his story and my advice .. be nice nah ... Here's our first encounter ...  Hi Shanice,  I love your blog and I am looking for some advice. Now I am no MEM, my situation is a lot different. I am a Sophomore in college. I have a loving girlfriend, but I'm bisexual. Yeah, you weren't expecting that were you. I messed around with a guy my freshman year of college, and met my now girlfriend a little after. I have not messed with any guys since the first one and I'm pretty happy. Well I was.  Before you ask, no my girlfriend doesn't know about my previous encounter with the one guy. There is this guy in one of my classes, and he is very attractive. We exchange looks but I have N...