Dear Elevator Riders

Why in the holly HELL would you want to squeeze your big body in with all 15 of us already on here. I HATE when the elevator is packed and that one person in the front says " Oh hey, we have room for you". No, NO THE FAK WE DO NOT! I'm already folder up in this corner like a fortune cookie ,with bodies touching my arms; and you want to add more people on here. Do you NOT see the sign that says " hey that's enough people on the elevator!!" Its right there!! It says "Minimum, 3 fat people, 2 medium fat people, and 4 skinny people can ride at the same time." Take that hamburger helper hand and put it back in this elevator or get the hell off. When you are breathing and you can see the person in front of you hair move, that enough people on this ride. Now all of you know we are in the death trap elevator anyway and you want to add more people to the ride down. Sweet baby Jesus, if you get me down safely I promise not to curse these people out when I get off. The elevator is just clunking down, the sweat is pouring down my face, and my stomach is hurting so bad I could vomit. Hello lady giving me the weird stare, I am 5 seconds away from giving you my magical finger. Oh that must've been your friend I suggested we leave on the other floor. You should've gotten off with him then!

xoxoxoxo
the stairs never looked so good

Comments

Who's Cooking Nah?

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Dear MCM, I am a Husband

My girlfriend and I have been dating for 3 years. Recently we started talking about moving in together and I brought up marriage. She brushed off the question and I really paid it no mind. As we started going to look at rental places, I wanted more rooms than she and when she asked me why I brought up future kids and marriage. She laughed at me and said who said I was going to marry you. Honestly this took me back and hurt my feelings. I guess she noticed it and tried to "please" me later that night. Yes it was great sex, but I was still mad about what she said. This is her way of "hoping I don't bring it up again." We were deciding on what place to pick and I asked her what did she think about getting married in the next year or so. We both are stable, great jobs and in our early 30s. She said she doesn't know if she wants to marry me. I asked her why and she couldn't give me an explanation. I thought about it over the weekend and that following Mon...

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I'm a ME kind of Mommy

I am a me type of Mommy. I pumped, breastfeed and formula feed my child. I pumped enough to store for future and my husband would feed him formula bottles when I was tapped out sleep. I am a vaccine mom. I say a little prayer before my son gets his shots each time and I watch him like a hawk afterwards. TO ME it is worth it. I am a cry it out mom. Yeah it sucks sometimes but it's worked out in MY favor. He gives me a smooth hour playing in his play pen with no interruptions to do whatever it is I need to do around the house. I am a cosleep and baby bed mom. Sometimes I just don't feel like getting out of my bed for night feedings so he sleeps in bed with us. Other nights I need some "adult time" and I kick his little ass out. LOL. I am a "his first pair of real shoes are white hard bottoms". I am a when the doctor says he can start eating food he ate everything! Fruits and veggies first and later meats. I am a google mom. I will google the shit out ...

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Dear Mr. Elevator Man

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