Dear Mr. Elevator Man

I honestly didn't have much to talk about today because I am an emotional wreck waiting for the baby to come today. I just wanted to share here what I am Thankful for. Personal shout outs to follow. LOL.  First I am thankful for the Amazing God that I serve. Last year, I left my job because I was so stressed that it was effecting my body. I trusted and believed that God would make a way and provide for my household and he did just that. All I could do month to month, until I got back to where I needed to be, was thank God  because I never missed a meal, nothing was cut off, I was clothed and still was able to go out and do things. For that I am thankful and blessed with a better job paying way more than I was making before. My faith is so much bigger than a mustard seed. I'm thankful for my mother . OMG she gets on my nerves so bad sometimes but I love her with everything in my body. We have not always gotten alone and sometimes we go a little while without speaking but...

D e a r M E M ,  My head hurts ... I want you to shut up like right now. If I had to energy and height to Donkey Kong you right now ..... you'd be on the floor. I have ridden this stupid elevator twice up and down and now I'm standing by the break room trying to find a spoon to dig a tunnel away from you. It's so funny how you always try to convince me that THIS IDEA is the GRAND idea. Who do you think you talking to? Ok I understand you met this " heavenly angel " (your words not mine) at the QuikTrip gas station. Let's just stop rrriiigggghhhttttt there! Didn't I tell your crazy ass not to talk to anyone else! You just don't listen. My momma always said I hard head makes a soft ass and I have on flats today! I will call up B16 and have your ass put in the hole like Jake and Huck were! If your not watching scandal ... just leave this blog right now! Your a disgrace!  OK ... She's beautiful, nice, sweet, charming, blah blah .... Doofus you d...

H a p p y M o n d a y ! So remember a few post back I stated I would give a surprise for my 2500th read? Probably not but let's just go with you do um'kay? Well my surprise was going to be a live "Dear MEM" on YouTube but it went aaaalllllllllllll the way left! I just liked nothing about myself this day. I mean, my everything was wrong. ON TOP of that, my face looked like Winnie The Pooh's tummy full of honey and my hunny told me I looked Chubby how I was sitting on the bed. I know he meant no harm because he laughed when he said it but that was the straw that broke the camels back,that made the wolf sneeze and blow the house down, the last straw they put on Jesus manger! Now if you have been following my blog for the little time it's been up, you know I struggle with weight. I have lost about 15 pounds from my heaviest weight, but it's still not enough. You know how you just think, oh this is great, I've lost a nice amount, clothes fit better, until...

Happy Sunday Funday!!!   I LOVE NetFlicks!! I always find these hidden gems and I usually share them on FaceBook. I have sucked my cousin Tonya into two shows that I watched no YouTube and also people from work as well. So I will try on Sundays to let you know what I'm watching on NetFlicks. This week I have been watching Parenthood. O M G!!! I am on season 3 and I have already cried several times, cursed out my computer screen, laughed until I had to rush to the bathroom, I love this show! OK so here is the family break down :  Zeek & Camille are the parents/grandparents - they have been married for 46 years but they have major issues that surface at the end of season one more in season 2. Their children have no idea and it puts them in a weird space Adam - the oldest son has a wife, Kristina , a son Max and daughter Haddie. Christine is a stay at home mom and Adam runs a shoe company. In the first season you find out what's wrong with Max, but the second seas...

Dear Mr. Shoulder Rapist,  Listen, I don't know what Sam's shoulder does to you but this has to stop! Every time he see's you he is climbing up my front side or clawing at a wall trying to break free. Let's recap what you did to my poor poor Sam. < insert flowing clouds > Sam and I are having our normal ride down and this gentleman gets on the elevator with us. Sam moves to the side and the guys is staring at his shoulder like it's a fresh chicken in a village of homeless people. He reaches out his hand and places it upon Sam's shoulder. He then rubs it HARD and caresses Sam's shoulder. Sam is not able to handle this and I can see the tears coming alive in his face. Now this is 4 floors he has been holding on to Sam's shoulder. We get to the first floor and same shoots out like people wish their roaches did when company is over.   Now to me this is the funniest shat I have seen. I grown man caressing another man's shoulder like that ..... ...

How did I end up getting out of the car, at the same time that you get out of your car? Listen, you are such a beautiful man. Like if you decided to be a woman, you could totally pull it off. I am happily taken. Like The Cosby Show happy, like they put two toys in my happy meal when I was 5 y/o happy, like HAPPY BIRTHDAY! ok, that didn't make any sense but w/e. Also, you see this wall mount that is always on this elevator when you get on with me? Yes Freaky Jason right there staring at you in the mirror. You make his neck vein pop out and it makes me nervous. Once my mom neck vein popped out when I was getting a whooping and just let me tell you ............ I wore sweatpants all week. I want to live. I'm pretty sure you want to live so here we go with just a few things that you can do for me and I'll continue to smile at you on this quick ride up. 1. Thanks for telling me I have nice big brown eyes. You can't see to my soul, so stop staring into my face. It's c...

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ................................. MEM you are a grumpy, sad , pouting MESS! Standing there with your Starbucks coffee,with your tailored suit on ... .GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!! I don't know what else to do. Like ............ ok, you got stood up, it sucks, let's move on. I know your thinking, how did I "MEM, Exec. blah blah, meh, meh, meh" get stood up. Shit happens. Sidebar : I literally have on all black, with a sweater jacket, with my glasses on. I really tapped into my un-creditable counselor today. This is really becoming a career for me. So, we have no one to bring to the holiday dinners this year. Let's keep it that way. Stop trying to find someone to show off. At this point, I just want to call your family and have a come to Jesus meeting. Like jump into the ocean, locate Nemo, tell Dory I said hello, go find the Lil Mermaid and ask the hoe to get some legs and be with you. Like I don't know what else I can do to ...