Dear Mr. Elevator Man

I really don't know why you are talking to me. Better yet flirting with me. For one : your motorcycle is cute but it looks like a 10 speed. You called it Vintage right? UMHM ....       Two : we have ridden this elevator in silence for about 2 months now, and NOW you want to talk. I really don't know what it is about me that makes people think I'm super friendly, because trust me I'M NOT. Telling me to hop on your bike since I have my riding boots on was ssooooo * slow claps* original. Now don't get me wrong you are HHHHHHAAAAAWWWWTTTTT, but I can't deal with my hunny, Mr.Elevator man, and YOU! Its just not that much of me to go around. Now listen tomorrow when we get back on this elevator, I want you to look at the numbers go down like you used to. None of that cute hair, nice blah blah blah, do you blah blah blah, my name is blah blah blah. NO! I started talking to one man and a blog as created. I do NOT need to add another one.  xoxoxoxo I charge $150...

Dear God, You are truly amazing! This gift that you give us called life is something no man can explain. Although we hear people call out to you so much in the midst of their downfall, I just want to thank you and praise you for everything. I thank you for the good times but most of all for the bad. For without heart ache and sorrow, without all those tears I cried, and sleepless nights, I wouldn't know how great and merciful you truly are. But this letter isn't for me, no I need this, but I'm asking you to look over my generation. I ask you for protections over my generation and to give strength to the weak minded. See, God, you are an all seeing great one so I know you have seen the horrible things, careless acts that have been performed. They seem to get worse and more frequent. You know people never ask you for anything until it hits close to home. Although my family has been spared losing a loved one for sometime, I can't go a day without seeing RIP and it not be...

Dear Mr Elevator Man,  Your parents seem to be a big piece of your "rushness" * not sure if thats a word but this is my blog so ....... * with getting married and having this big family RIGHT NOW. I don't think you are ready for that at all. I'm thinking of creating you a match.com profile and managing it. I still say you should just adopt a black child and name it Bamshika, and I will still shop for her and do her hair. BAHA! Listen, take my advice and chill out with the dating thing. For one you don't know how to date because every girl is going to say yes to you when they see you with your custom car and your "suit" talking about I'm an exec. SMH. I think our next encounter we are going to get off the elevator < insert oooohhhhhs here> and I'm going to give you step one to dating. SHUT UP! That's what you need to do from now on. You are the gold these women are digging for.  xoxoxo Your Magic City Twerk Team Match Maker  PS ...

Hiding!!! JK JK! ... Work has been killing me and now I have this horrible ear infection. I have not been in the best of moods but I'm slowly getting there. I will be back bothering you tomorrow as normal and let me tell you!!!!! I have some interesting "Dear" Letters.  So until them, make like the rain and fall out the sky :)  ok not really but see you soon! 

I have nothing to blog about today. Nothing special happened. Saw Pac ific Rim this weekend. Wanted to kill the kids I sat beside. " Can I have some of your <insert food item> " they ke pt whisper shouting. Parents teach your kids how to WHISPER! I'm doing a fast before I start my new meal plan. Yup. That's it. Umhm.  Girl your booty got me lost like Nemo. Listen up ladies!! I don't know who told you all that wearing this skullies (winter hats ) with jean shorts were the IT factor this summer but girl ...... you are SWEATING! That aint hot. Well clearly you are but that fashion statement will have you in some one's ER. Hello everyone from the UK!!!! I was excited to see that on my location page. My friend is looking for a penpal in several cities that he will be traveling soon. I think he is going to get chopped up and never return to the USA. He is just to friendly. I'm pretty sure he is " not claiming this is Jesus Name". ...

Yesterday I was OVER IT! Like I was ready to throw the towel in. I was having a conversation with this jelly ( belly ) and I was just asking it to compromise with me in certain outfits. Yes, we have that type of relationship. BUT she was on something else. Like Hey girl, I'm here to stand out! No one cares about what you want. So after a bottle of wine, don't judge I only drank a few sips, I decided I didn't want to do a "diet". I just wanted a meal plan and a more extreme work out. Let's just praise God for Google ok! So a good friend, who I haven't seen in forever, Jennifer, is ALWAYS talking about this Paleo thingy-mah-bob. She LOVES bacon  I love bacon  and she LOVES to eat I love to eat and she's THIN AS EVER! Not like crackhead thin, but like a really nice thin. Just go with me now ......... So I Googled it and thought hhhmmmmmmm I could use this as a meal plan. Its just eating what grows, in a nut shell. NO processed food. Listen, I will ...

WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!! I don't understand why this weight just doesn't come off. I mean I really don't want you to stay here Mr.Weight, I would much rather you pack you all your extra friends and get the flapjacks off my body! I got on the scale yesterday and it stated that I gained ALL the weight I lost PLUS 5 MORE POUNDS! Let's just say this girl was NOT a happy camper. Then I went and measured myself. Why in Satan's toenails did I do that? Listen my bottom in bigger than most of you guys TV! Although I can say I am proud that my top half and bottom half are/is/whatever bigger than my stomach/waist area I am still OVER IT ! My hunny and bestie are trying to cheer me up but I really AIN'T here for it. I was going to go on a water diet. Yes I know ..... what the hell are you thinking Shanice! Well I was thinking this fat would fall off since I would be putting no calories in myself. Let's just say ...