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Dear Demetrius .... CCHHHIIILLLLEEEE

Dear Demetrius, 

Thanks for emailing me, although I feel like I'm more of an outlet for you to express yourself, I will help as much as I can. Now let me just let yo ass know one damn thing, if ANY of my advice backfires, I don't have NO MONIES so don't be trying to sue me. You ass will get some old ass duck sauce and ketchup packets in my draw at home. Oh and some Taco Bell sauce packets too, although I wouldn't trust those. 

Any who back to your letters chile, hunny that was A LOT! I applaud you for having the courage to even write me. Although you don't know me, I am honored to be the one you picked to talk to. NAH ON TO THE REAL STUFF .... 

1. You need to figure out what you want. This guy has flipped your world upside down. I think you just need to come to terms that you are gay. Now again, I'm not gay, so I hope this isn't harsh, and I know it's not as easy and I am putting it. Own it! Yes you are a black man, and your bisexual. OWN IT!

2. At some point you need to have a talk with your girlfriend. I suggest soon. I think this girl is your beard.Now I say that because you state you are "very happy", but not one time did you say you loved her. Everything is about how much she loves you, but what about your feelings? I'm "very happy" with my job,but I don't got no love for this hoe. 

3. My last thing I want to address in this email is exactly what they guy asked you. Are You Gay, & not bisexual? Don't go back and forth with yourself about what you "thought" you wanted in life. Right now you need to figure out are you gay? Don't worry about marriage and kids because that can still happen with a guy. I will NOT allow you to be a DL man because you are looking to please others. Before you text this guy or talk to your girlfriend you need to just have some time to yourself. I don't know how long it takes for someone to realize if they are gay or not, but I need you to take ALLLLLL THAT TIME!

Now listen here, don't be all up in my damn emails making me emotional! We will get through this, if I have to come down to that college of yours and see you my damn self. And ANOTHER THING you BETTER NOT get a Jack'd or Grindr! POW! Bet you didn't think I knew about those did ya? Let me find out you tricking off in these app streets ...

xoxoxoxo
applying for Phoenix University 

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