Dear Mr. Elevator Man

Dear Mr. Elevator Man,  I just want to hug you right now. Like I'm sad, pissed and frustrated!! I've never been stood up but I know there are ways that people can prevent this. So I am going to leave you here and address pretty little miss ..................... Dear Ungrateful Piece of Ass,  YOU NO NO HOW TO USE PHONE?! Why would you stand someone up? Listen here you snot nose, wanna be bunny ranch worker, hamburger-helper serving, flat butt heifer!!!!!! You call when you can't make it! You send a bird, superman, those little things on despicable me, SOMETHING! Now I begged this damn man to take you out again, because let's face it hunny ...... YOU WERE NOT CUTTING IT! Then you <insert HARD curse word> it UP!!! Calm down Shanice . Did you see he's face? OOOOOFFFFF Course your "i shoot animals for fun hunting" ass didn't! So let me run down this ....... He called you earlier that morning to confirm ....... You said your going to be there ...

Dear Old Lady , This is really coming from a place somewhere in my heart, I'm sure. I am SO tired of seeing you guys in Forever 21 fashion, tight short dresses, body shop cat suits, H&M dresses; do I really need to go on? Now this by no means is me trying to be rude to you  because I know even when you get older you still want to look fashionable. BBBBUUUUTTTTTT, at a certain age, say 40+; you need to get it TOGETHER! There is nothing cute about seeing your old butt, because no amount of makeup can cover up your aging, with her butt cheeks hanging out, breast falling out, in a little outfit.Those young men see $$$$ when they were checking you out girlfriend. Now I'm not saying go ahead and get those pants that you just pull up with no button, but please get out of your daughters closet. xoxox Girl wondering why