Dear Mr. Elevator Man

I had a long weekend. Sleep was NOT anywhere to be found. Yes, not anywhere. I don't want to see another paint brush, Swiffer sheet, dish rag, or human in my house for AT LEAST 2 weeks. Now don't get me wrong, I'm glad my home is put together and that my family/friends came down for the holiday. IT WAS JUST A LOT! So today, I'm annoyed. Wanna know why, well I'll tell you boo! Your so sweet for asking.

Dear D, You make my balls hurt and I don't even have any. Every time I get an email from you, I have to take a deep breath, take about 20 steps, come back to my computer and go from there. Here's my little advice for you, or whatever. Lamount : It's a setup. Let it go. Stop being around him. Clearly he is a REAL down-low man, and you already know how I feel about them. I can applaud you on not being like him in that way, but that's about all I can give you a round of applause on. And how could you let him almost ... I mean you just finished peeing .. ok I can't .. my stomach is starting to hurt. Nasty ass .... Mellow Yellow : He is going to push you out of this corner, because I'm not sure if it's a closet, one way or another. I'm not sure where you took the wrong turn with him, but he is UPSET. Only thing worst than an upset queen, is a person with all their groceries in their cart and their EBT card has $0. Gotta take all that shat back. That...

Guest Spot today!!! Today's Guest is my mean cousin Tonya. Yes, she is very mean. LOL. She tourted me as a child, but also taught me that if people don't like you ... F THEM! I used to be a big cry baby way way way ( really not that far back ) in the day, and she would hit me and say suck it up! She is one of my closest cousin, and still looks 16 years old. Let's check out her take on my next reader letter! Thanks Girl! Love you!

Didn't read part One? I wasn't able to get a word out before Mellow Yellow was all over Lamount. Screaming at him about being a back stabbing bitch and other shit. I grabbed Mellow Yellow off of Lamount, and he starts whalling on me. In my mind I'm thinking, I really fucked with someone in one of my other lives. Mellow Yellow is telling me, I'm a piece of shit for taking seconds. Lamount chimes his smart ass in stating " No honey, you are trying to have seconds. I been had him, and will again, before you ever get the chance." Now I am back to trying to get Mellow Yellow off of Lamount. Lamount girlfriend burst in the room screaming WTF is going on. I think all the blood in my body rushed to my head, because I just wanted to pass out to distract everyone. Mellow Yellow opens his queen ass mouth and tells the girl we are all sleeping together. Yup, I die right there on the spot. I feel like I have just been pushed out of the closet that I didn't even kn...

I got wasted. Let's just start there. ( sidebar, I love how D writes like this is a book. LOL) I got a text from the ex saying she was pregnant. ( que usher's confession's ) Why would you text me that? That's so , well I don't know what to call it but damn you could call me!! I don't think it's mines. We always use protection. Well unless it was before we broke up. Damn!!! I don't want a baby by her. I want a baby by my wife. ( it's called STRAP UP! STUPID!) So I went to a dinner at Lamount's house, and I knew it was a bad idea from jump. Ol' girl is still mad at me about the ex but we are still rocking. You cannot guess who opened the door for me. MELLOW YELLOW!!!! I could've passed out right there. This is a party, so we are eating and drinking. I mean I am sleeping upstairs so I don't care about how much I"m drinking. So you know the more you drink, the more you pee. I went to the bathroom in Lamount's room because the...

Warning : There is cursing ... I'm not homeless, yet, but I damn sure am angry. This is a random post but more of random letters inside one post. That made no sense but I don't really care. Its my blog, so I can have it my way. < insert diddy take that take that dance > 1. Dear Fast Food Restaurant .... I LIKE WATER FOR FACK SAKE!!! I am not trying to take this cup over there to get a soda, I really want some water. Its 90 degrees outside, I do not want any soda! Why is it that you give me this baby ass cup for water? BIH H2O is FREE!!! So now you have to call your manager to the front b/c I am NOT about to pay you a dollar for a bigger cup. I might as well let the water flow in my hands and drink out of it. In two sips this water is gone. SMH. If you want the water cup to be clear, that's fine. Just make the cups bigger. SWEET CHEESSSUUUSSSS!!! And no I don't want your bottle of water for $2.50 that I can get at the store for $1. FOH! 2. Dear Realtors, yo...

Backstory - D is still sleeping with the ex and the new girl ... the ex confronted the new girl .. he doesn't know how she found out. Thinks it's from IG. He doesn't understand why the new girl is mad because technically they aren't official. <insert eyeroll > 

Before we get into this letter, I just want to say that I personally do not condone the word Fag. I think it's a horrible word, and should never be used.  Also the language on this post is very uummm adult like. So you've been warned. Now lets get this show on the road shall we .... This week has to be try the FUCK out of D week. I can't win for losing. I try to get comfortable in my own skin and shit hits the fan. I shouldn't have fucked those two girls last week.

I'm tired. I am really tired of these guys trying me.  I went over to ol' girls house for dinner. I get there and she says her neighbor invited us for dinner. At this point, I'm already over here and hungry so I just decided to go. We go downstairs to Lamount's and I already know this is not about to go well. We sit down waiting for the "final touches" to be added to the food and I ask where his girl is ...... He replies " she was called in to work, so it's just us" . I'm ready to go Shanice. Like I am standing up like oh well we don't want to put you in a bind, we can go get something. This retarded ass girl says no, lets stay, he already cooked. If I could've dropped her ass right there on that floor, I would've. No I don't beat women but SHIT! Dinner starts and small talk happens, this slick ass man says :  Lamount : So did D tell you we knew each other? ME : 0_0 Her : Oh no, he didn't. How do you guys know each o...

Its Tuesday Tuesday TTTUUUUUEEEESSSDAY!! If you haven't seen Norbit, you don't know what I'm talking about. Anyway, I have many of you guys asking me about more "personal" information about D.  SSSSOOOOOOOOO ..... Shanice,  This is so weird but here you go. My name is Demetrius, I was advised not to say my real name or she would take it out anyways. LOL. I am from Puerto Rico. I am black and Puerto Rican. I moved to Fort Lauderdale, FL when I was young. I go to school in LA( the state, not the city). I am double majoring in Social Work and Business Mgnt. I want to open my own social worker based company. I never noticed boys until I got to college. I barely noticed them until Lamount kept talking to me. You may think " oh he turned you" but I don't see it that way. Although we have never had sex, I still consider myself a bisexual. I do not want to marry a man. I want a wife and 3 kids. I don't think I will get to the point to have sex w...

AH-LLO! So the last entry I had for Demetrius that I emailed him back, I cursed him OUT! So instead of posting what I wrote him back, I am going to Red Insert my comments in this next email to me. For all the new readers : Hello, I'm ratchet, I barely spell check, I say tons of things wrong and I love the Lord. Lets get on with the show shall we ..... Shanice,  I'm not really sure how I feel about your last email. I know you mean well but sometimes I feel that you are harder on me than you should be. ( I'm not harder on you, I just want you to wake up and realize your going in circles. Remember I am not your personal friend. I'm not going to hold back because that's not what you come to me for. I still love you puddin!)  You keep saying make up your mind, but it's not that easy. ( I know that I push you hard to see what it is you want. This limbo that you are in, kills me because I just want you to be happy and comfortable.)  I do come to you for your hon...