Dear Mr. Elevator Man

Dear Mother of the SCREAMING child ,  This entire restaurant is staring at you because your child has been SCREAMING for the last 30 minutes. First off, that little stick she keeps hitting you with, take that shit away!! She is knocking you upside the head with it, & she has knocked the glasses off the table, girl WTF!!! Then, she slapped you in the face. STOP. LETS STOP RIGHT THURRRRR!!!!! I need to talk to my ovaries for just a few moments :  Dear Ovaries,  As I sit here and stare at this little 4 year old girl, headbutt the FACK out her mother, I just PRAY that God gives you the common sense to know that your mother is crazy. If you EVER in the MF MIND headbutt me ON PURPOSE .... i will kill you. No like listen to what I am telling you ... I will beat your ass to the point that if someone sneezing and their head leans towards you ...PANIC ATTACK ACTION will happen!! You will NOT show your ass like this little girl in this restaurant! You will NOT be hooked on iPads and cel

* Que Jasmine Sullivan In Love With Another man * If I cccoooouuuullldddddddddd, could reach through this computer. I wwwooooouuuullllddddddd please believe me. And I know that you ssssaaaiiiiddddd race was not a factor, but girl its nnnoooooot NOT that easy hhheeeeyyyy! YOU ARE BLACK!!!! Do you understand what I am saying to you? YOU.ARE.BLACK!!!!! That means more than likely things have happened to you because of your race. LIKE IT OR NOT!!! See you are the "type" of black person that I argue with daily because you are inside of this bubble that I want to pop so bad. You can't seem to think anyone could be racist because your best friend Suzy Q loves black people. Although you ignore the fact that when our President was elected Suzy Q ass stated she was moving out of the country. Girl ... it wasn't because she wanted a new place to live! It was because as long as black people answer to them its ok, but as soon as they have to answer to one of them, Well hello

I am CONVINCED you live close by me. Why do you keep popping up at MY STORES. I feel like a peeping Tom because you can't see me but I am staring directly at you. Are those pampers I see in that bag? Where the hell have you been? I need an update on this baby situation. And WHO IS THIS WOMAN YOU ARE HOLDING HANDS WITH!!!!  Ok, calm down Shanice, this is not your real patient. I have seen this woman somewhere before, but where? ...................................................... O ...................................M ................................ G .......................... It's the mothers friends daughter!!! Why are you holding hands with the MFD? Ugh! She stood you up and here you are buying pampers for a child that you have a 33% chance is yours and looking at Redbox movies. I better NOT see your ass on that elevator tomorrow because I am going to GRILL YOU! Now don't get me wrong, I did like MFD until she stood you up and that's just tacky. From the looks of

LIKE HHEEELLLLOOOOO did you not see me two feet behind you? Is it really that hard to hold the door until I take one step to get there. Now I understand that you don't have to hold the door, but GAH-DAMN .... it's to early for this. I wish this door would swing back and slap your ass in the face. Now I'm licking on this glass, trying to get clocked in!!!! Not only did you not hold the door, your squeezed your big ass body through, so even if I did catch it , I can't fit!! I mean yyyaaassss the girl did just find her chin but a bih aint that thin! You bubble back, Patrick Star Fish, Buffy the Body looking MF!!!!  XOXO ANGRY 5'3 ENGINE! 

Well my 45 day challenge isn't over until tomorrow, but my birthday is in two weeks so I am kicking it in high gear! I want to challenge myself to get another 5-7 pounds off by March 2. The day the Lord opened up the sky and say  " LET THIS GREATNESS BE CAST UPON THEe TODAY " and I was born.Yes lightning flash and thunder roared, and my father passed out but all in all : I was born!  Lets do a quick rundown of my 45 day "Get your Chin Back " mission : I did a detox for the first 5 days, I juiced for the month of Feb, and I worked out! The hardest part was staying on myself to workout. I mean ...... let's be real .... working out SUCKS! Only time I enjoy it is when I'm stressed and I take a walk. I found that if I get up in the morning before work and workout, I have more energy and I get it out of the way. When this chunky monkey, gets home from work she wants to lay on the couch, cook dinner and go to sleep. Now I didn't work out for 45 days, le

Happy Valentine Day to all!!! I am in a 9 year relationship, so we never really plan anything, but I always get surprised. I, remember I am saying I, just plan on going to get something to eat and bringing it home. I have a feeling my night won't be that easy with the curly hair man I have. I just wanted to say to everyone out there, don't let people on social media make you feel bad about your day. I see so many married ladies that say " oh I don't celebrate Valentine's Day because everyday is around here ", but believe if their husband didn't acknowledge it, SHIT WOULD BE SHAT! I also see single girls on there talking about " oh you'll girl buying your own gifts and posting them on here talking about from your boo " .... but yet you at home watching Golden Girls. SMH. So my randomness for today is : - If you are in a relationship, have fun with today. You don't have to blow hundreds on this day, remember its the thought that cou

I really have nothing to talk about but I said what the hell, lets post random shit! As I lookth out my windowth, I see the SUN!!! Thank God!!! I am so tired of being stuck in this house, when I get out, I'm not coming back for a while. This snow in Atlanta is for every bird that flew down south and left me here.  Tuesday night, the ice was hitting the window while I was asleep, you could NOT tell me that I didn't have a rat in my room. Ya'll I laid in my bed completely still, like the damn rat could see me, and tired to listen out for it. Needless to say, it was the ice. I was relieved! I logged on to social media to see what the weather was like elsewhere, and you people are so damn depressing. I completely understand not wanting to be stuck in the house but sweet baby of sharkeisha, its not the end of the world. I do feel bad for those people that are not getting paid due to being out of work, but some of you guys needed this break more than you let on. Thank the Hea

Happy Monday MEM!! Just a juice update. YA'LL .... yes I am kicking my country all the way in for this one .... the first week of juicing .......... SWEET MOTHER OF ABRAHAM !!!!! I was cranky, moody, HON-GRY, not hungry but HONGRY, sleepy and all the above. Even though I was having a meal, ya'll, I was even eating 80 cal veggie soup at lunch, I couldn't keep my eyes open, nor find the energy to give a shit! And on Day 2 ....... someone came down from the galaxy and put a green baby in my stomach  .... * starts shouting * and I gave birth for 35 minutes!!!!!!!! It was NOT PRETTY! Everyone kept saying " shanice, your body is just getting used to it, blah blah blah ." I wasn't listening. This week I am doing much better! I still cannot drink straight green juice without fruits because that shat is just nasty. I have energy today and wanted to lick the cup other than burn it for a change. Look at God! He is amazing!!! So anyone trying to juice let me tell you

So not only did you run the stop sign almost hitting me, while you were on the phone, NOW you are following me around in Publix!! There is a law against being on the phone and driving. There should be a law that if your little ass can't see above the steering wheel, with the seat all the way up, you should get a Honda hoe! Now you gave me the stank face and a middle finger because YOU ALMOST HIT ME! I let that pass because girl jail is real and I'm not trying to be selling ass for cigarettes in Gwinnett County.You proceed to "slide" out of that minivan, smh , and stare at me in my face. Listen here you are all of 4'9 and my tolerance level for bullshit is at an ALL TIME LOW! This juicing has my ready to bust a move on anybody, so take your little ass in the store and keep it pushing. I make a beeline to the hot soup and here you are again, tugging behind me on your phone talking in whatever language that is. BUT YOU ARE STILL LOOKING AT ME! LADY WHAT THE HELL IS

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW!! HAVE YOU LOST YOUR EVERLASTING MIND!!!!!!!! Ok, let me calm down because my pressure is RISING! You have GOT to be the dumbest, smartest, stupiest man I have EVER MET!! So your ex girlfriend, the slut that started this whole relationship, is pregnant. She doesn't know who it is, and your not 100% sure its not yours. I COULD SHIT NAILS RIGHT NOW!! She told you that she is 8 months, ok ok so lets see .... You'll broke up in June? DAMN DAMN DAMN!!! You might be that babies pappy! But don't get your hopes up because she clearly told you that it could be 2 other peoples. Which has me thinking, is it really the horse back riding that makes it burn? That's just nasty and she just ........... I can't find the words. BUT WHAT YOUR NOT GOING TO DO is start buying baby shit and might not even have a damn baby. I see it in your face. The answer is NO. You need to weight until she has the baby, they will do a DNA test there and then go by Ba

Happy Monday MEMS!!! So this will not be a daily posting thing, but I will advise what juice I'm having at the end of my other MEM post. So my birthday is in less than a month!!! March 2nd. I love doing a month cleanse right before my birthday. This time I'm JUICING!!! I know I know ... Why in the hell would you do that to yourself! Welp I don't know but I'm doing it. It's a modified juice where I'll eat solid foods once a day, if I choose.  My farmers market run  My Juicer  The Juices  So I have a fruit juice and veggie juice.  The fruit juice is this entire container  The fruit juice isn't that bad. It's actually really good. I will have this every morning. I added a carrot and one green apple.  Now the veggie one taste like VOMIT!! I added 1 tomato(never again) 3 stalks of celery 5 stems of spinach 1/2 of lemon 3 carrots 1 apple 1 orange. I will never EEEVVVEEERRR put a tomato in another juice. I added fruit to this so I could drink it. I think it wou