Dear Mr. Elevator Man

So the other day I went to the public storage, because I needed a new spot to hide the bodies right? Well, as I am telling the lady who I am and get prepared to see the unit she tells me - yes this girl writing this right now - that it is raining and she isn't going out in the rain to show me the unit. Was that a run on sentence? Oh well ... Now let me set the scene for you umkay? It had been raining pretty much all day but at this time is wasn't. Still a little gloomy out but I was out there in gym shorts, a tshirt and head scarf. Although I am natural, bih I am NOT trying to detangle these curls back out from the raining righty - tighty on my head. So I say ummmm well isn't that your job to show me the unit? She goes well yes, but I'm not going out in the rain. At this point the entire fuck that I was giving her, is OUT THA DAWH. You are really sitting here in my face, thinking I am going to sign this paperwork and fuck around and get a storage room with Jeepers ...

Welcome! Let me tell you right now I am not in the mood umkay?! I haven't been blogging because my job has me SKKRRREEEESSSSEEEEDDDDD AAAAHHHHHTTTTT ( in my plies voice). I literally just want to sleep when I get home. Unfortunately I end up getting dragged out the house anyways, and honestly that's a good thing. So I'm going to ease back in this thang and I have some surprises/changes happening in March for the blog. Anywho let's get to what I want to talk about today .... 1. Natural Hair isn't for Er'body .....

Dear Shanice, I know that you stated that you are a natural girl. I have been natural for about 2 years now and this guy I have been seeing hates it. When we first met I wore weaves and braids because I wanted to protect my hair so it would grow healthy. I told him before we got serious that I was natural and showed him a photo of me without my weave. He had no problem. Now that my hair is longer, I don't wear weaves much or braids. He always hints at other girls weaves, asking me if he bought it would I wear it, even schedule an appointment for me to get some installed. I'm to the point where I cannot deal with it anymore. I expressed my feeling to him about it and he hasn't said much about it since but I can tell how he looks at me when I'm ready to go out that he doesn't like it. Any advice on this matter? - Vicki Hey Vicki girl! Well I say just get a weave and call it a day. NOT! Listen, my hunny doesn't care if I am natural or relaxed, as long as i...

Dear Mr. Shoulder Rapist,  Listen, I don't know what Sam's shoulder does to you but this has to stop! Every time he see's you he is climbing up my front side or clawing at a wall trying to break free. Let's recap what you did to my poor poor Sam. < insert flowing clouds > Sam and I are having our normal ride down and this gentleman gets on the elevator with us. Sam moves to the side and the guys is staring at his shoulder like it's a fresh chicken in a village of homeless people. He reaches out his hand and places it upon Sam's shoulder. He then rubs it HARD and caresses Sam's shoulder. Sam is not able to handle this and I can see the tears coming alive in his face. Now this is 4 floors he has been holding on to Sam's shoulder. We get to the first floor and same shoots out like people wish their roaches did when company is over.   Now to me this is the funniest shat I have seen. I grown man caressing another man's shoulder like that ..... ...

I am ssssooooo tired of going out and seeing these children's heads looking like Helen Keller did their heads, while your swing your 20 inch beach blond body wave. I don't understand how you can come out of your house and your baby look like she played in a sand storm and you smiling at every man you see. GIRL WHET? When people know that you have children, they don't care what you look like if your child walking around with Albert Einstein sides. Is it so hard to do hair,and put your kids on clean clothes? OH MY SWEET SUGARY BROWN don't let me get on why your baby has a snort mustache going on!!!! I just need you parents to do better. Like a whole lot better. Like a thousand times a thousand times 6 more damn thousand better. So girl in the QT line, getting ready to pay for your whatever, while your child ponytail is in the mile high club ........................................ get back in that Ford Focus, return that It's Fashion outfit, clean your babies face, br...

Another random post from you know who :)  I just want to say thanks for everyone who enjoys this blog. This started out as an idea that a friend suggested from FB and has turned into a pretty amazing thing for me. I have about 40 post, with over 1800 views. Can you believe that? With all the misspelled words, and misplaced words in this blog you would think people would be like " this girl needs to go back to school". NOPE! I'm still paying back student loans now.  So just a few random thoughts and answers to your questions. I really have emails!!! I'm still in denial, don't worry.  1. I don't think I'm funny. I just write whatever comes to mind.  2. Yes, there is really a MEM. My friend "Sam" has seen him on the elevator.  3. I am still thinking about accepting your "profiles" for MEM. IDK. You guys are kinda cray. 4.Yes I know my blog is super wack. Aint nobody ask you to be nasty! HOE! I didn't think people were going...

Dear Cashier,  I am a woman, you are a woman, therefore I see what you are doing. I really don't want to curse you out in front of all these people, but that little hidden flirting thing your doing, I'M NOT HERE FOR IT . All that extra giggling and eye raping your doing to my man is going to make me Carrie your butt. I just don't understand why people test us girlfriends. I am NOT his sister, cousin, cool friend, or jump off. We are buying groceries and household good for the sake of your quick weave!!! I clearly just said do you have your card, or do I need to use mines, that should let you know. But still you ignore me, won't make eye contact with me, but if I reach over this counter and smack the shit out of you I bet you look at me then. No matter how many times you giggle and look at him girl he is not checking for you. He knows whats going on and he knows I'm crazy so therefor, DISCOUNT DOUBLE CHECK , and bag this shit up!  xoxoxox Crazy Bih in lane 5 ...

Listen, I'm not sure why you are locking eyes with me in this conference meeting but it's freaking me out. I was told that it's a rule not to find your "pretty pretty" person while public speaking. Let's just say you failed!!!! I'm not sure if it's the big afro that I have going on today but Mr.Scary man I am NOT trying to be one of your many wives. Then you started saying my name ....... your flipping creepy. I just keep thinking I'm going to get trapped in the elevator with you and the lights are going to flicker and you'll be on top of me like white on rice. You like 6'5 and I'm just 5'3...... You will not be trying to MJ .... nevermind .... that just made my stomach hurt. Listen, I'm not interested. Those 30 second stares you can keep because I have never counted ceiling tiles so fast in my life!! xoxoxo There are 8 on each row

I really don't know why you are talking to me. Better yet flirting with me. For one : your motorcycle is cute but it looks like a 10 speed. You called it Vintage right? UMHM ....       Two : we have ridden this elevator in silence for about 2 months now, and NOW you want to talk. I really don't know what it is about me that makes people think I'm super friendly, because trust me I'M NOT. Telling me to hop on your bike since I have my riding boots on was ssooooo * slow claps* original. Now don't get me wrong you are HHHHHHAAAAAWWWWTTTTT, but I can't deal with my hunny, Mr.Elevator man, and YOU! Its just not that much of me to go around. Now listen tomorrow when we get back on this elevator, I want you to look at the numbers go down like you used to. None of that cute hair, nice blah blah blah, do you blah blah blah, my name is blah blah blah. NO! I started talking to one man and a blog as created. I do NOT need to add another one.  xoxoxoxo I charge $150...

Not Me, but my hair style for today :) Dear Ladies of The Creamy Crack, PLEASE STOP STARING AT ME! Like seriously, I can NOT be the only natural hair person you have seen. I also don't know all the tricks to natural hair. I do know it takes just as much work, heck even more, then when I had permed hair. I do not hate you because you have permed hair. That's great for you. I didn't jump on the natural hair trend b/c I thought it was cool. I am a woman of the weave! Meaning I was hardley getting any perms because my hair was always braided. Just made more sense to me. NOW, don't get made at me when I get you those nasty looks you give me back. If you can't take it, then don't dish it. Some of you need to let it GO! Your hair is fried!!! To each it's own. Just leave me alone!!!!! xoxoxo not the only natural girl in the office!!!