Dear Mr. Elevator Man

I'm going out with friends tonight on a party bus. Pray for my liver!!! Starting Monday I will drop counting down to my birthday in March, and started my new weight loss journey. So I hope you guys are safe and have a great NYE!!!!! See you sucks in 2014!!!!!!! xoxoxox coming in like a wrecking ball!!

Happy Monday Lovelies!!  So, if you have been here since day one you know weight is always on a sistah's mind. Remember ? So a few people emailed me about starting a weight lost group. Now I'm looking at my gut like these people must've lost all their marbles to Dora on their last trip to " who the hell do they think I am" land, right? So I reached out to my FaceBook friends and people stated they wanted in. So although I'm still scratching my head, I have a fitness group now!!! www.facebook.com/fitnessisstillsexy    This group is really just a motivational group. I know that it gets really hard trying to lost weight alone, when you feel like you are doing so much, but so little is happening. We will have 45 day challenges, prizes for who loses to most weight, and motivate each other to make it to our goal. I AM NOT a weight lost guru or trainer, so any questions about to much; your on your own. I just know what works for me and hopefully it will work fo

Email from reader : Dear UnBelievers, I just want to tell you all to shut the hell up! For the last two weeks I have been seeing people post about how they do not want to hear anyone say " New Year, New Me ". I think that is so far beyond stupid, that I have actually un-friend a few people. If people want to better themselves for the new year, who are you to stop them? I understand that it's a few people that are just talking up Jack n Jill's hill, but some people have had a rough 2013. I have witness many people struggle just to make it through 2013, so for you dog face people to say : You ain't gon' do nothing; that sets me off. Give people a BREAK! Just because you been stealing the same peoples idea's and selling the same dime bags to your cousin since 2001; don't mean others cant change! So to anyone that is striving to be better in 2014; hats off to you! That means you have learned enough to grow into a better you. To everyone else * middle f

............. So let me properly introduce myself. My name is HOOOOOOLLLLDDDDDDDD IT!  Let's start from the beginning, shall we? While waiting for the elevator, I get a light tap on my shoulder.  Me : Turns around .... Well hello there Stranger Danger! I thought I wouldn't see you until the new year. MEM : Morning Spit Fire! Can I borrow a minute of your time?  Me : Sure, get in. You know the Fed's watching. * goes to first floor*  MEM: Why? Me : Nevermind .. ( he killed the ENTIRE VIBE ) MEM : What's this your listening to? Me : Nothing, I just always put my headphones in because if I don't ... well * stares at MEM * people talk to me. So what's up, I've got less than 5 minutes.    MEM : I just wanted to say thank you.  Me : Your Wel- MEM : You didn't let me finish.  Me : 0.o oookkkkaayy MEM : I want to thank you for all your sound advice. Honestly, I wish I could clone you and date you myself. I

Your best guess is my best guess. Is it weird that I look for him now? I feel like he is my kid coming home from college and I'm waiting for my update. I'm waiting to see his first girlfriend from college or for him to tell me about how he likes this girl but he needs moms advice. Don't judge me! After our last encounter, I was weirded out; but I am itching to get my weekly fix! Hello, my name is Shanice and I'm addicted to MEM updates. They say the first step is admitting it, right? I don't want to date him. I hate that pretty much everyone thinks I want to date him. That is f'n nasty! Don't get me wrong, he is easy on the eyes .... BUT my heart belongs to someone else. So let's see ... I think he is somewhere on vacation, hooking up with as many women as he can. He will come back and tell me all about his adventures, and I will judge him. ( Because that's what I do.) He will tell me he has met THE ONE, yet again. I will know nothing about her but I

I'm pretty sure we have went over this topic but it is FRESH in my spirit, so I am writing you lonely lovers again. I want you to pull out your pens and papers to take notes, because I'm SICK OF YOU! How do you let someone who continues to treat you like shat, only pays attention to you when whomever they are checking for isn't checking for them, run your name in the mud; BACK into your life. I am by far no relationship expert but some of you mofo's are just NOT GETTING IT. I don't think you ever will. It's so funny because, from whatever world you got a ride to from Future on his way to the Moon,this is morally ok. You even have  people on your planet living the same life as you. I mean, let the hunny cheat on me and it's A WRAP! Thanks for coming out! You all did great. ROLL THE CREDITS IN THIS MUTHA. But not only does this person cheat on you, but you blast them about it, but 1 month later its < closed captions : me and the boo; let them haters hate &g

Me : Hi, Can I have a Sausage Biscuit and a Hashbrown. That will be all. Worker : Ok so that's a Sausage Biscuit, Bacon and cheese Biscuit and a hashbrown. Would you like something to drink with that. Me : No, that's wrong. I want A sausage Biscuit, and 1 hashbrown. That's it. ( still in a good mood )  Worker : Ok so that's 2 Sausage Biscuits and 1 hashbrown. Does this complete your order. Me : ( over it at this point ) NO!! * leans out the window* I JUST WANT ONE, SINGLE SAUSAGE BISCUIT AND ONE ORDER OF HASHBROWN. ONE OF EACH. JUST ONE, UNO.  Worker : Ma'am please hold so that I can correct your older. Me : -__- you have GOTS to be kidding me Worker : Ma'am was that just a regular sausage biscuit? Me : Is there someone else in there to help you, because I'm not sure where we are missing the blue's clues. Worker : Excuse me? Me : Do you need me to pull up to the window? Worker : No ma'am. I have your uno sausage and uno ha

Listen, I am SSSOOOOO sick of you men talking shat about women who watch Scandal and love Beyonce. I enjoy them very much, so understand that what I'm about to say comes from the heart. STFU! If I see one more of you post about "oh I"m so happy my girl don't watch that slut Scandal show or idolize Beyonce " I will personally pick you and your "girl" apart; flaw for damn flaw. We do not idolize Beyonce. We enjoy her just like you'll enjoy standing out in the cold for hours to get the new jays. Or when Kendrick dropped that Control verse, or when Jay Z dropped a COMMERCIAL about his upcoming album.  Neither is Scandal a "slut ass show". But again you don't watch it so you don't know. Just because your girl doesn't do the above things, doesn't make her any better or worst than the ones that do. I actually know a nice amount of guys that watch Scandal with their girl. She's probably secretly watching it on Hulu Plus the n

http://www.gofundme.com/5jd358 HHHEEELLLLOOOOO to my lovely MEM readers! So, today I will not be talking about my craziness BUT about someone in need.  A GREAT friend of mines, cousin, is in a financial need at this time. Her name is Aisha Brown and she had been diagnosed with Stage 3A Breast Cancer. She is fighting but due to this she is unable to work at this time. This awesome woman has children that depend on her to be mommy even when she has little to no energy. If you have ever been around someone fighting cancer, you  know they have their good days and bad days. Her ever so lovely cousin, Rissa ( hey girl! ) , started a Donation Fund to help relieve a small amount of stress.  Now, I'm pretty sure none of you know this BUT I had a Breast Cancer scare a few years back. Let me just praise God for the lump disappearing! WONT HE DO IT! I have lost my grandmother to this stupid thing and I support this cause, hands down! No one asked me to post this but I am! This str

Ya'll, it's so dang cold outside I can't even think. This morning I was just like Jesus if you would just be a sun ray on this 5'3 caramel lady, I will shout for joy in the parking lot. I didn't get that sun ray until a few moments ago but the wind didn't blow so I did a 2 step any ways. Well it was more like an air hump in the car b/c I wasn't about to stand out there to much longer. I have to walk a little slow down my steps b/c everyday I almost commit suicide on them! Somehow my feet decide they want to go one way and my body is going another way .... I"m just screaming the Lords Pray trying to keep everything together. LOL. That's so not funny but I'm laughing as I write this so whateva! It's my blog!   I had this weird dream about someone in my accounting department at work that had me on fire! She came to my desk and just went HAM on me. Listen, that lady and I were having words UMMKAY! She wanted me to work faster and I wanted her

I'm not sure why you want to use the potty right next to me, when there are 3 other stalls free but lets not do it again. We have bathroom rules!! I'm not sure if you are not aware of them or if you just don't care. BBUUUTTTT my dear ladies, I CARE! I am just trying to get in and out of the bathroom and back on the floor and here you go with your feet almost touching mines. Umm excuse me neighbor, why art thou so damn close to me? Oh and it's always you gassy people that sit right next to me. So not only am I trying to pee, and make sure our feet don't touch, you are also honking horns over there with no spray. I JUST CAN'T YA'LL! I JUST CAN NOT DEAL! Didn't Mother Bathroom come to your school and teach you the rules? Well she didn't comes to mines neither but I still know to take my ass down a stall. So miss ma'am that sat beside came into the bathroom behind me, sat in the stall next to me, starting honking for Jesus, while singing a little t

I just don't understand why you are running in the rain. HEEEYYYY TAKE A DAMN DAY OFF!! It is pouring down and you are out here doing a 1,2 step dance move. Now I will not splash the water on you, as I am driving by, but I'm not sure what those two pair of socks and Wal-Mart bag on your head is doing for you. Please get with the other rain dancers, I mean runners and get with the indoor gym pimpin! Try it out, try it out, try it out, yyyeeaaaahhhh ( in my Kandi voice) I just want you to know that the flu is REAL in these streets. Those 300 calories you out there burning, aint got SHAT on sounding like Michel'le cause you can't breath. You could've did some lungss and crunches at your house while watching SVU on USA, instead of trying to live like SpongeBob under the damn sea.  xoxoxoxo Warm inside this car

I haven't seen you since last week and I thought you would be mad at me. YET you are leaning over me, giving me the goo-goo eyes. * que song " bag back bag back, give me 50 ft, give me 50 ft, give me 50 ft" * And what in the hell are you talking about, mistletoe  and holiday spirit ..... Let me just play back the scene for you.  I bend down to tie my shoe and look up and here you are .... grinning like a fool! Me : You should really make a noise before you sneak up on people MEM : laughs Your so little. You had to get all the way down just to tie your boots.   Me : whatever  MEM : Don't you just love the Christmas Holiday. I love this time of the year.   Me : I do love this time of the year.  Now your leaning over me   MEM : So have you been naughty or nice this year? Me : Excuse me? MEM : I am Santa's little helper and I need to know so I can report back.  Me : 0_o I've been VERY nice. Wouldn't you say? MEM: Well idk, I haven&#

This is more for me than for you readers so sorry in advance.  Every since our Grandmother passed, a while back, it's like pulling teeth to get all of you in the same house for a holiday.No one wants to host, no one wants to cook, no one wants to drive,like WTH!  I'm not sure what the hell is your issue, but I'm sick of this. I live out of state and it's hard enough on me not to see my mother when I want! BUT when I come home, I want you all in one house, eating, laughing and creating memories. YOU HAVE TWO SIDES TO YOUR FAMILY!! People get so caught up in what they are doing in their household, they tend to forget that cousins are suppose to be your first best friends, uncles are who you get the "boys" talk with and sports updates, that you aunts are always gossiping about back in the day ,that we both have the same scar on our knees because we fell off the bike together! That nobody cooks red velvet like one of your aunts, that your cousin is hilarious fo

Dear Mr. Handsie,  I am just trying to pay for my gas and keep it moving. I know that I have this head scarf wrapped around my face in a way that seems to turn you on ..................... but this little chicken right here wants you to place those hands BACK behind the counter. ARE YOU RUBBING THE SIDE OF MY HEAD?? WHY! OMG, your hand is running down my arm. Don't freak out, don't freak out ... Get your 4 wives having, gas station owning, wrinkle face hands OFF OF ME!!! I don't know what it is about me that makes you think that you can put that fragile hands on me but listen up Barney and Friends ..... that aint me! And why is the Sweet name of JESUS are you trying to take my dang scarf off to see my face!! Mr. Creepy Mac Creep A Lot SSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!! You would think me saying " Get your hands the F off of me" would be kind of harsh, but your smiling. 0.o Here's a tip, if you wanted to make me wife number how ever many, you could'

Well not really because I don't want to be stuck in the house. Anywho HAPPY MONDAY!! I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving holiday. We welcomed a new baby into the world and celebrated family. I stayed in Atlanta, but I will be hitting the road back to Decatur for Christmas. I miss my family like no other. Thank God for Skype because I was able to see their smiling faces. For those of you that hit the stores on Black Friday ...... glad to see you may it out alive. I also want to say RIP to Paul Walker. SMH. I was so shocked and hurt. I love his movies. So I finally got my tree up ....... I think we did a good job for our first tree!   Although we forgot lights, everything on our tree came from The Dollar Tree. Our Tree came from Wal-Mart for $20, which wasn't bad at all. I didn't want to get a huge tree because I really didn't have that much room in my living room with all my furniture. If you get ornaments from The Dollar Tree, be sure to place them on so

I honestly didn't have much to talk about today because I am an emotional wreck waiting for the baby to come today. I just wanted to share here what I am Thankful for. Personal shout outs to follow. LOL.  First I am thankful for the Amazing God that I serve. Last year, I left my job because I was so stressed that it was effecting my body. I trusted and believed that God would make a way and provide for my household and he did just that. All I could do month to month, until I got back to where I needed to be, was thank God  because I never missed a meal, nothing was cut off, I was clothed and still was able to go out and do things. For that I am thankful and blessed with a better job paying way more than I was making before. My faith is so much bigger than a mustard seed. I'm thankful for my mother . OMG she gets on my nerves so bad sometimes but I love her with everything in my body. We have not always gotten alone and sometimes we go a little while without speaking but

D e a r M E M ,  My head hurts ... I want you to shut up like right now. If I had to energy and height to Donkey Kong you right now ..... you'd be on the floor. I have ridden this stupid elevator twice up and down and now I'm standing by the break room trying to find a spoon to dig a tunnel away from you. It's so funny how you always try to convince me that THIS IDEA is the GRAND idea. Who do you think you talking to? Ok I understand you met this " heavenly angel " (your words not mine) at the QuikTrip gas station. Let's just stop rrriiigggghhhttttt there! Didn't I tell your crazy ass not to talk to anyone else! You just don't listen. My momma always said I hard head makes a soft ass and I have on flats today! I will call up B16 and have your ass put in the hole like Jake and Huck were! If your not watching scandal ... just leave this blog right now! Your a disgrace!  OK ... She's beautiful, nice, sweet, charming, blah blah .... Doofus you d

H a p p y M o n d a y ! So remember a few post back I stated I would give a surprise for my 2500th read? Probably not but let's just go with you do um'kay? Well my surprise was going to be a live "Dear MEM" on YouTube but it went aaaalllllllllllll the way left! I just liked nothing about myself this day. I mean, my everything was wrong. ON TOP of that, my face looked like Winnie The Pooh's tummy full of honey and my hunny told me I looked Chubby how I was sitting on the bed. I know he meant no harm because he laughed when he said it but that was the straw that broke the camels back,that made the wolf sneeze and blow the house down, the last straw they put on Jesus manger! Now if you have been following my blog for the little time it's been up, you know I struggle with weight. I have lost about 15 pounds from my heaviest weight, but it's still not enough. You know how you just think, oh this is great, I've lost a nice amount, clothes fit better, until

Happy Sunday Funday!!!   I LOVE NetFlicks!! I always find these hidden gems and I usually share them on FaceBook. I have sucked my cousin Tonya into two shows that I watched no YouTube and also people from work as well. So I will try on Sundays to let you know what I'm watching on NetFlicks. This week I have been watching Parenthood. O M G!!! I am on season 3 and I have already cried several times, cursed out my computer screen, laughed until I had to rush to the bathroom, I love this show! OK so here is the family break down :  Zeek & Camille are the parents/grandparents - they have been married for 46 years but they have major issues that surface at the end of season one more in season 2. Their children have no idea and it puts them in a weird space Adam - the oldest son has a wife, Kristina , a son Max and daughter Haddie. Christine is a stay at home mom and Adam runs a shoe company. In the first season you find out what's wrong with Max, but the second seaso

Dear Mr. Shoulder Rapist,  Listen, I don't know what Sam's shoulder does to you but this has to stop! Every time he see's you he is climbing up my front side or clawing at a wall trying to break free. Let's recap what you did to my poor poor Sam. < insert flowing clouds > Sam and I are having our normal ride down and this gentleman gets on the elevator with us. Sam moves to the side and the guys is staring at his shoulder like it's a fresh chicken in a village of homeless people. He reaches out his hand and places it upon Sam's shoulder. He then rubs it HARD and caresses Sam's shoulder. Sam is not able to handle this and I can see the tears coming alive in his face. Now this is 4 floors he has been holding on to Sam's shoulder. We get to the first floor and same shoots out like people wish their roaches did when company is over.   Now to me this is the funniest shat I have seen. I grown man caressing another man's shoulder like that .....

How did I end up getting out of the car, at the same time that you get out of your car? Listen, you are such a beautiful man. Like if you decided to be a woman, you could totally pull it off. I am happily taken. Like The Cosby Show happy, like they put two toys in my happy meal when I was 5 y/o happy, like HAPPY BIRTHDAY! ok, that didn't make any sense but w/e. Also, you see this wall mount that is always on this elevator when you get on with me? Yes Freaky Jason right there staring at you in the mirror. You make his neck vein pop out and it makes me nervous. Once my mom neck vein popped out when I was getting a whooping and just let me tell you ............ I wore sweatpants all week. I want to live. I'm pretty sure you want to live so here we go with just a few things that you can do for me and I'll continue to smile at you on this quick ride up. 1. Thanks for telling me I have nice big brown eyes. You can't see to my soul, so stop staring into my face. It's c

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ................................. MEM you are a grumpy, sad , pouting MESS! Standing there with your Starbucks coffee,with your tailored suit on ... .GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!! I don't know what else to do. Like ............ ok, you got stood up, it sucks, let's move on. I know your thinking, how did I "MEM, Exec. blah blah, meh, meh, meh" get stood up. Shit happens. Sidebar : I literally have on all black, with a sweater jacket, with my glasses on. I really tapped into my un-creditable counselor today. This is really becoming a career for me. So, we have no one to bring to the holiday dinners this year. Let's keep it that way. Stop trying to find someone to show off. At this point, I just want to call your family and have a come to Jesus meeting. Like jump into the ocean, locate Nemo, tell Dory I said hello, go find the Lil Mermaid and ask the hoe to get some legs and be with you. Like I don't know what else I can do to

I am DOG ASS TIRED today. I am in the beginning stages of my PMS symptoms break down, so I want to cry, eat chocolate, laugh, sleep, eat popeyes chicken, and get under my covers and not come out. Only, I'm at work with paperwork coming out of my rear end that needs to be done by today. I swear my phone has rang 5 times and I have not answered it because I want to keep my job. Right now, I am laid back in my seat, typing whatever comes to mind. Welcome to my monday thoughts! - My bf's sister is due anyday now and I wish that damn baby would come on! I love the smell of little babies. - Love doesn't need to be the only reason you marry someone. Is that person a team player? How are they with paying bills? Have you met their family on other occasions other than the holidays and like them? If at some point you don't feel that butterfly love affect, will you both try to light the spark again? IJS, can't marry a person because they are a nice person. Nice only gets y

BALLS!! His and Her I LLLLOOVVEEEE Christmas! I have lived in my apartment for about 3 years and the Hunny and I have not put up a Christmas tree ever. Who are we, The Stooges?  I put my foot down this year and we are getting a tree. With that being said, I went to The Dollar Tree and made it rain!!!!! Photos above are just some of the things we picked up. I still have tons more to get, like an actual tree *side eyes*,  but I have 98.5 % of my decoration. The Dollar Tree has some really nice ornaments and other things to rack up on. I mean It's all just $1, CHARGE IT UP! I'll post more photos after Christmas of the tree in all it's glory. Honestly before you hit up the Supers, check out your local dollar tree for some goodies. - No I'm not being paid to say this. Just wanted to share my findings. -  Yeah, I'm still mad about MEM getting stood up . (click here for story)   I have over 2200 reads and I just want to say Thanks to everyone wh

Dear Mr. Elevator Man,  I just want to hug you right now. Like I'm sad, pissed and frustrated!! I've never been stood up but I know there are ways that people can prevent this. So I am going to leave you here and address pretty little miss ..................... Dear Ungrateful Piece of Ass,  YOU NO NO HOW TO USE PHONE?! Why would you stand someone up? Listen here you snot nose, wanna be bunny ranch worker, hamburger-helper serving, flat butt heifer!!!!!! You call when you can't make it! You send a bird, superman, those little things on despicable me, SOMETHING! Now I begged this damn man to take you out again, because let's face it hunny ...... YOU WERE NOT CUTTING IT! Then you <insert HARD curse word> it UP!!! Calm down Shanice . Did you see he's face? OOOOOFFFFF Course your "i shoot animals for fun hunting" ass didn't! So let me run down this ....... He called you earlier that morning to confirm ....... You said your going to be there 

I WILL NOT SHARE A MAN! I don't see how women do this. I know you are thinking, what in the goose eggs is she talking about. Well I'll tell ya, thanks for asking boo! Mr Shiny Black, Akon, stated that no 1 woman can satisfy a man, and no one man can satisfy a woman. This girl's mama didn't raise no fool and I can smell BS from a mile away. Now everyone has their own beliefs and I respect that. BBBUUUTTTT listening to the Ricky Smiley morning show this morning, and people calling in agreeing with this ......... listen ya'll ....... I had to cut the radio off.  I'm not even going to get on all the points, I'm just going to GO. So keep up umkay! I'm not with that sharing shit. This lady said well as long as when he's with me when it's my time I don't care. GIRL WHET THE HELL!! ARE YOU SERIOUS! I'm not sure if you ladies of the world know this but we can get bacterial infection very quickly if we are not careful. So if girl #2 has been i

I am ssssooooo tired of going out and seeing these children's heads looking like Helen Keller did their heads, while your swing your 20 inch beach blond body wave. I don't understand how you can come out of your house and your baby look like she played in a sand storm and you smiling at every man you see. GIRL WHET? When people know that you have children, they don't care what you look like if your child walking around with Albert Einstein sides. Is it so hard to do hair,and put your kids on clean clothes? OH MY SWEET SUGARY BROWN don't let me get on why your baby has a snort mustache going on!!!! I just need you parents to do better. Like a whole lot better. Like a thousand times a thousand times 6 more damn thousand better. So girl in the QT line, getting ready to pay for your whatever, while your child ponytail is in the mile high club ........................................ get back in that Ford Focus, return that It's Fashion outfit, clean your babies face, br

Happy Monday all you awesome people!! Happy Veteran's Day to all of our solider serving now and that have served! You guys are much appreciated!  I have been asked by a few people * waves at Terri, hey girl!* about my Vi Shakes and if I am still on my weight lost mission. I am ....... slowly! LOL. I am no longer on the shakes, because * men scroll along, getting personal* it throws off my cycle. The soy in the shake makes it wwaaayyy longer and I am NOT here for it. Like, not at all, not tomorrow, not next week, not after I have children, NOT NEVER . My parents are on it and they are doing pretty well. My mom's was the same way, thank God it wasn't the menz I'm not ready , but she is down to one shake a day.  So I lost 15 pounds in two weeks, a little while back. I thought I was SO fine, I stopped working out. Chile ... that 15 pounds jump right back on my wide ass in just a few shorts weeks. I always say I'm not going to do another diet, I'm just going t

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So, I asked you guys  to send me anything you wanted and to also follow me on IG Remember ? Well this will be the section I answer you questions. Remember this is just my opinion, you may take whatever you want from it or leave it here on this page. If you agree or disagree comment below! Let's talk about it! Hi! I enjoy your blog and I was wondering how do you feel about cheating? I saw in one of your post MEM slept with two girls in the same month. Although they were never official, some people would say that he is kind of cheating on the first woman. What are your thoughts? Dear Cheated On (I know you didn't say you were but I like this as a title so go with me here umkay!) ,  I have very strong feeling about cheating. If MEM ever were to cheat on his actual girl, whenever he gets one, I would open up a full STORE of whoop ass. When you are in your teen years,just being a kid, not knowing this from that, I feel like that is the ONLY time you kinda get a pass. I mean