Dear Mr. Elevator Man

I really wish I could go back home and get in the bed, to start this day over again. Its Monday, which I don't really dread Monday's but when I got to work SHAT HIT THE FAN! I work in transportation, so the last day of the month is like having a 4 year old at your desk all day crying asking why this can't deliver or pick up today. I was PREPARED! I have been having cereal for breakfast every morning. I get my bowl and I'm ready to start my day. UUUUNNNTTTIIIILLLLLL I get to the fridge and my HALF GALLON JUG OF MILK is GONE! WWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH .... For everyone at my job reading this .. you may want to skip this part ... umkay Now we have someone at my job clean out the fridge every friday. I get that, BUT why would you pour out a ENTIRE thing of milk. That shit is NOT cheap. I find it quite weird that you took/pour out/sold to slavery/feed the children in those commercial my milk, BUT you left my creamer. HHHHHHHEEEEELLLLLLLOOOOOOOO

Dear D,  Well MY GAWD .... you didn't have to wet me down with all that! You could've given me half the peppermint, like my Granny use to do in church and I would've been fine. But ooohhhhh no .. you just had to give me the whole piece of peppermint ... KNOWING GOOD DAMN WELL I was gone choke! Before I get to my part I just want to let you know the MEM community readers are HERE FOR YOU! I have been on conference calls, group texts, forwarded emails .. chile a bird came down and was like sssoooo tha fack is up with Mellow Yellow. So just know .. your strength cometh from these readers. :)  Now on to you ..... I mean I feel bad, but I don't feel bad. From day UNO I told you to leave that slut bucket, but you didn't listen. Ok slut bucket maybe a little harsh, but again .. this my shit .. you'll don't pay these bills. Now you all in your feelings " but shanice I love her " . Well that's all good and well but YOU were already trying to get ri

Dear MEM,  Yes, I accept you saying you're sorry because YOU were WRONG. I never will be jealous of anything you have going on. You think you have it made, but that's the lie you keep telling yourself to get your through the day. I, on the other hand, know my struggles and accept them for what they are. You, my dear friend, hide behind work, and TRYING to find the perfect match so YOU can hide behind them. I don't have any time for it. My hunny told me to be pleasant so that's the only reason I'm talking to you. I don't want your coffee, or your hard ass do-nut, I have my own. In the famous words of someone famous ( yeah I know how that sounds ) you betta check yo self, before you wreck yo self. So on that note, congrats on your engagement! Always good to buy the cow, even if haven't tasted the milk yet.  xoxoxo These boots are made for walking ..... 

So again, this is my rant .. I am not trying to change anyone's opinion but I'm so over you salty ass hoes. Now I am NOT a Kim Kardashian fan/stan. HOOOOWWWWEEVVVEEERRR I respect how they flipped all this and now she's sitting on M's. With that being said, welcome to the jungle of Shanice's Rants. :) So Kim K is on the cover of Vogue and OF COURSE you simple minded hoes lost your every lasting mind. I cracked up because half of you'll have NEVER purchased a Vogue magazine in your life, so why you mad who on the cover? Hell one person wrote Vouge. I said ... well my Goodness, you mad but your not even looking at the right magazine. I'm just going to address a few things I saw on FB that is #late. 1. Kim K Is a WHORE! I'm guessing this is because Ray J "leaked" their sex tape and you have publicly seen her date a few men. Do you know how many people have sex tapes that leak? How many of you guys have made a sex tape with your boyfriend, bec

This is going to be a little lengthy so I can get you'll caught up! I also want to send my condolences out to my lovely reader/friend Jennifer. She lost her father this weekend. Please send up a prayer for her and her family to help them through this time. I have not lost a parent so I do not understand the hurt she is going through but I pray that God keeps her in this time. I am DONE! Can you believe she cheated on ME? I have did nothing but be the best me I could be. ( Lets recap shall we .... Demetrius and his girlfriend do not live together. Lets just thank God for that already. He starts to feel bad about not really paying attention to her and gets the roommate to let him in so he can plan this special day. First off, ummm miss roommate, you gone get your butt kicked for letting folks in without my permission! Anywho back to the story ... he is going to set up her room with candles and things, and cook. While he is in her room setting things up he starts to find guy items.

I'm tired .... I know I know I haven't posted about MEM or D and I hear you all loud and clear. I am just not here for blogging right now. Probably because I have to piece together the emails to get an entire post from D but whatever .. Here is my randomness for today .. * HI Tonya ! * 1. This weather in Atlanta has been my emotions lately. I'm happy on the weekends and its 70 degrees out and its cold as SHAT during the week ... and I've been moody. I have decided to start doing the sunshine dance on Monday's and see if that works or whateva .... So if your in Atlanta and you see a professionally dressed black lady looking like she is harlem shaking .. just keep on driving .... I'm just calling the sun ...  2. Can you'll stop beating your kids in public and recording it? Like GAH DAMN you are signing yourself over to the police. Half of it IS CHILD ABUSE! You MF are crazy! I saw a father dragging his daughter by her hair .... nah shawty I'm moving ou

From Demetrius I'm in red with my sidebars , no I'm not Jesus.  OMG you replied! Finally. I am so happy you wrote me back ( I don't know why hunny, I am just a regular girl.)  I have completely been to myself, in my shell, with all of this that is happening. I cannot stop thinking about this guy and my girl is seriously getting on my nerves. (Cause you need to leave her ass, your gay shit!) You asked me if I love her, and I do. I love her, but I'm not in love with her. (BINGO! That's what I said) No, I never dated her to cover up anything. I dated her because she is attractive, funny, smart and I liked her. Ha! I keep saying I "liked" her, but I still like her. I think I was in love with her once, but things got to comfortable. I just reply I love you back like a robot. Do you think this guy is just a phase with me? I have not text him but we have walked from class together and had small talk. It is so easy to talk to him. My girl saw us talking by th

So this isn't going to be the typical MEM letter, I am REALLY about to just tell you'll how it all happened. I AM OVER MEM! He is ENGAGED! Yes to the girl that stood him up, they haven't even "been together" for 6 months. Conversation below : MEM : Long time no See .. Me : I should say so .... MEM : I have news Me : * rolls eyes, pinches nose * go ahead MEM: I'm engaged. Me: 0_0 ..... to Jesus I hope? MEM : No to ( you guys know her as Stand Up Lady, I won't put her real name ) Me : You GOTS to be smoking crack right? You on that meth? Let me see your teeth! MEM : Whoa Whoa whats your deal? Me : What do you mean WHAT IS MY DEAL! You are engaged to someone you don't know. I can't do this. Like I CANNOT do this. Why would you get engaged to someone you don't know. You are in such of a rush to "be with someone " you don't care who it is. Jesus take the wheel! MEM : Why are you all in an uproar. I love her, she loves me.

Dear Demetrius,  Thanks for emailing me, although I feel like I'm more of an outlet for you to express yourself, I will help as much as I can. Now let me just let yo ass know one damn thing, if ANY of my advice backfires, I don't have NO MONIES so don't be trying to sue me. You ass will get some old ass duck sauce and ketchup packets in my draw at home. Oh and some Taco Bell sauce packets too, although I wouldn't trust those.  Any who back to your letters chile, hunny that was A LOT! I applaud you for having the courage to even write me. Although you don't know me, I am honored to be the one you picked to talk to. NAH ON TO THE REAL STUFF ....  1. You need to figure out what you want. This guy has flipped your world upside down. I think you just need to come to terms that you are gay. Now again, I'm not gay, so I hope this isn't harsh, and I know it's not as easy and I am putting it. Own it! Yes you are a black man, and your bisexual. OWN IT! 2.

Catch Part One The Fear to open myself up to this lifestyle is just something that I don't think I can fully do. I have always wanted to get married to a woman and have children. It had never crossed my mind to be with a man. Now that's all I can think about is MEN! As I am writing this, I have saved the guys number in my phone, and have actually written a text. I want to send it. I REALLY want to send it. I can't because I keep hearing my girlfriends soft laughter at whatever she's watching on tv. The urge to tell her to get out so I can do my dirty work is over powering me. This isn't right. right? I still don't understand why I am writing you, but you seem like a very non judgmental person. Maybe it's because I don't know you, it's easy for me to talk to you. Maybe I should start a blog. Do you think I should call this guy? I mean as college students we are advise to explore. I don't know. I have erased the message, and I'm going to watc

So I get emails from people asking me odd things, trying to charge me for shat, and most of the time I just trash them all. This one guy KEPT emailing me, so I decided to see what was up. Meet Demetrius. No this isn't his real name, but he told me I could rename him. LOL. I will be sharing his story and my advice .. be nice nah ... Here's our first encounter ...  Hi Shanice,  I love your blog and I am looking for some advice. Now I am no MEM, my situation is a lot different. I am a Sophomore in college. I have a loving girlfriend, but I'm bisexual. Yeah, you weren't expecting that were you. I messed around with a guy my freshman year of college, and met my now girlfriend a little after. I have not messed with any guys since the first one and I'm pretty happy. Well I was.  Before you ask, no my girlfriend doesn't know about my previous encounter with the one guy. There is this guy in one of my classes, and he is very attractive. We exchange looks but I have N

Well well well ...... Guess who turned 25 yesterday? THIS GIRL DID!!! I am so thankful for all the birthday wishes and gifts! I actually got everything I asked for PLUS my hunny has something else up his sleeve. But that's enough about me let me give you these updates!!  1. MEM is NOT the FATHER! He is a sad ass dog right now and I'm pretty sure he is trying to get this other girl pregnant. Pray for me you'll. I'm trying not to start smoking. 2. I have this weird man in my email that really thinks I'm his counselor. LOL. He even said I could share his stories on my blog, so be on the look out for that. He is a bi-sexual male with a girlfriend, who likes this one guy he see's on the train .... ya'll .... and his girlfriend doesn't know he likes boys .... 0_o  3. Does anyone know when Finding Dory comes out? 4. So I turned 25 and the same day my back started hurting and my chest was hurting. I thought God was trying to take me out the game!!!!