Depression and Weight Loss

Well hello there!! Before we get into today's post, which is a little long, I just wanted to say my lunch sucked ASS!!! I'm having a no meat during work hours week and this wheat pasta stir fry I made ... I know the devil sent his minion to my fridge last night and made this taste like this. I KNOW IT! YUCK! So let's just say I am ready to RUN home and JUMP into something to eat. I pray I don't get a hungry headache, although I can feel it coming. Anywho .. onward and upward shall we (:

Many people ( like 3)  have been asking me about my weight journey. So I'm just going to share a little bit of what's been going on with me. While doing that I will also touch on depression, something I know about personally.

Right now I have 64 more days to go on my 100 days of fitness. I knew this was going to be hard, but MAN I didn't think it would be this hard. This journey is testing me in every angle. So I am still 10 pounds down, 1.5 inches but in different clothes my body seems to be changing. Losing weight is hard, and it cannot be down sitting on your ass. Most of the battle is eating clean and a small portion is working out. My battle is doing all of this and seeing no progress.

I will be doing just fine, UNTIL I step on the scale. Then I go from 00 to 0 REAL quick. My mood completely changes, I no longer want to lose weight. At this point, I am just fine being a fat ass. I know I know, to some people I am not fat; but I'm not looking at me through your eyes. This leads to a depressed state.

Now I now what a lot of you all are thinking. Really Shanice, not losing weight makes you depressed?  UMMM YEAH! It may not be a serious case, but it's very real. I know when I get in this funk, I completely shut down, every negative thing that has been said about me comes slapping me in my face. Yes I am a tough cookie but I am also human. I go in my room, and sleep. I don't eat, I don't talk, I just sleep. Now after doing for about 5-10 days I have DROPPED about 5-10 pounds an unhealthy way. So once I am back up and at it, those pounds start to creep back and this is the time I have to push myself to keep going. It's hard, I want to give up and some times I do. The battle is going forward. Knowing that this is something I can and will do, for me!

Another time I have dealt with depression is while working. OMG!!! Yes I still work now, but I was working at another company, as a manger, working 110 hours AVERAGE every two weeks. Now this was a LOT worst than my weight lost depression. I actually went to see a therapist because I was unable to breath when I pulled into the parking lot, every other minute I was wanting to physically hurt someone there, I would cry on my way to and from work to the point where my eyes were rimmed red for hours after I got here. Mix all that with stress and you create health problem. ( raises hand ) Yup, I had a miscarriage and my spine was starting to lean forward.( I'm all better now, no worries ) All of this weighed me down and I honestly felt like, God you can take me right now and I would be ok with that.

But I pushed through, With the help of prayer, my therapist, my boyfriend and my own will power to get into a better space mentally and physically! I say all that to say this; it's ok to feel depressed. What is not ok is to feel like you cannot seek help because of what others think about you. Over the pass few months, I have seen so many people take their own lives because of depression. In The Black community it's frowned upon to go seek help. Which I find so funny, because you can go to your pastor for guidance, but when you go to a doctor, someone who studied what you are going through, you are crazy. 0_o That's another subject for another day. Talk to someone! Go seek help! You have no idea how it feels to sit and have someone fully listen to you express all your emotion, with no judgement because they follow you on social media, or grew up with you so they "think" they know how you should feel, and give you honest feed back on how to change your situation.

So this is my story! I live in my truth! I am working to become a better me and this will take some time! I'm ok with that. If you have insurance, you should be able to get one free session. TAKE IT! Even if you don't have anything really to talk about. TAKE IT! You never know the outcome. (:

Depression is a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. Also called major depression, major depressive disorder or clinical depression, it affects how you feel, think and behave and can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems. You may have trouble doing normal day-to-day activities, and depression may make you feel as if life isn't worth living.

Happy Living!!