Dear White Lady, My Butt is Big Sorry(Not Really)

Dear White Lady at my job,

I'm MORE than positive you have seen big butts before but for some odd reason, you have an issue with mines. I do not wear tight clothes because, I'm a thick girl .. my everything needs to breath; but my dresses do rise in the back as I walk. I cannot help that it does that. You should really take this up with my parents or God because I didn't create me. I just want to tell a few things for you so this awkward stare at my ass, face pinched up, situation can move along. Yes I do see you making faces when I walk by, and even discussion my butt with others, which is WEIRD!

From the front of my thighs, around my butt; its 48 inches. You hear me ... 48 DAMN INCHES! Shit is going to move and jiggle. GET OVER IT! As I am losing weight, slowly but surely, it's going to seem like it's getting bigger, which will really have you hailing ass when you see me coming, GET OVER IT!
You are the one staring at me, so un-pinch your face. I do not purposely walk near you, I do no purposely wear dresses to make you uncomfortable, I just get up in the morning and whatever doesn't need to be ironed goes on the body umkay! Discussing my ass with other people

is rude and CREEPY! Every time you stop me to talk I'm praying this isn't the day you 1. ask me out because you are secretly into black girls, or 2. ask me to wear something else because shit will get to moving in that office. There are about ummmmmmm 5 other black girls on this floor who are heavy in the back just like me, would you like me to find you someone else to look at? Should be get a union together, design some shirts, and avoid you at all cost? Hell no! You don't sign any checks.

To end this lovely letter to you , I just want you to know .......... If this makes you so uncomfortable, why don't you stop looking? Swear common sense is not that dang common anymore.