Dear Mr. Elevator Man

I have nothing to blog about today. Nothing special happened. Saw Pac ific Rim this weekend. Wanted to kill the kids I sat beside. " Can I have some of your <insert food item> " they ke pt whisper shouting. Parents teach your kids how to WHISPER! I'm doing a fast before I start my new meal plan. Yup. That's it. Umhm.  Girl your booty got me lost like Nemo. Listen up ladies!! I don't know who told you all that wearing this skullies (winter hats ) with jean shorts were the IT factor this summer but girl ...... you are SWEATING! That aint hot. Well clearly you are but that fashion statement will have you in some one's ER. Hello everyone from the UK!!!! I was excited to see that on my location page. My friend is looking for a penpal in several cities that he will be traveling soon. I think he is going to get chopped up and never return to the USA. He is just to friendly. I'm pretty sure he is " not claiming this is Jesus Name".

Yesterday I was OVER IT! Like I was ready to throw the towel in. I was having a conversation with this jelly ( belly ) and I was just asking it to compromise with me in certain outfits. Yes, we have that type of relationship. BUT she was on something else. Like Hey girl, I'm here to stand out! No one cares about what you want. So after a bottle of wine, don't judge I only drank a few sips, I decided I didn't want to do a "diet". I just wanted a meal plan and a more extreme work out. Let's just praise God for Google ok! So a good friend, who I haven't seen in forever, Jennifer, is ALWAYS talking about this Paleo thingy-mah-bob. She LOVES bacon  I love bacon  and she LOVES to eat I love to eat and she's THIN AS EVER! Not like crackhead thin, but like a really nice thin. Just go with me now ......... So I Googled it and thought hhhmmmmmmm I could use this as a meal plan. Its just eating what grows, in a nut shell. NO processed food. Listen, I will

WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!! I don't understand why this weight just doesn't come off. I mean I really don't want you to stay here Mr.Weight, I would much rather you pack you all your extra friends and get the flapjacks off my body! I got on the scale yesterday and it stated that I gained ALL the weight I lost PLUS 5 MORE POUNDS! Let's just say this girl was NOT a happy camper. Then I went and measured myself. Why in Satan's toenails did I do that? Listen my bottom in bigger than most of you guys TV! Although I can say I am proud that my top half and bottom half are/is/whatever bigger than my stomach/waist area I am still OVER IT ! My hunny and bestie are trying to cheer me up but I really AIN'T here for it. I was going to go on a water diet. Yes I know ..... what the hell are you thinking Shanice! Well I was thinking this fat would fall off since I would be putting no calories in myself. Let's just say

Dear People with ADD, I really understand that you are not complete OMG look its a sting ray. Oh wait sting ray's don't fly, duh I meant to say a Blue Jay. I have loved Blue Jays FOREVER! Remember when all those people were fighting over those Jordan's last year? THAT'S HOW IT GOES!!! I love you all to pieces, I really do but I need you to concentrate on me when you are talking to me about something really important. When you get sidetracked and then can't remember what you wanted to tell me ........... lighten strike and the thunder roars!!!!! Like why can't you just KEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPP ON BELLLIIIIIEEEEEVVVVVVVVIIIIIINNNNNNGGGGGGG!!! Tehehe that song is so random. 0.o xoxoxox The Eye Of The Tiger

Dear Please Grow UP, I am COMPLETELY over you. I don't understand how you have been on this earth for however many years but you can't seem to get your CRAP together. Now I'm not one to judge because I have my own house to clean up but no one is here for your foolishness. Stop depending on others to always HAVE it for you or PROVIDE what you need when you don't have it. At this point in time, you need to tighten up those boot straps and get to getting! Listen, if you can't afford it LEAVE IT THERE! Come out of Neva-Neva Land and into the real world. Pay your bills, gas your car up, stock your house with food and supplies and LIVE LIFE! Your sucking the LIFE out of those people you depend on and it's not cute. It's also not right for them. Through your burdens on God, not friends! I could continue to go on but I'm just not in the mood today ............... Stay Groovy xoxoxoxo Juicy J background dancer

Dear Pity Party For 1, Please build a bridge and get over it. Everyone goes through things, we all have failed at something, that doesn't mean get on social media and cry EVERY TREE HUMPING DAY! I met with the social media owners and we have decided if you can't calm it down some on the " oh life is so hard, where is the rope?" we are going to disable your account! FOREVER! So here is my advice for some of your most common issues I've seen : 1. If your babies father isn't shit ........ provide the best you can. Tell us will not change the fact. We will not be signing up to do daddy shifts with your child. 2. If you hate your job ....... GET ANOTHER ONE! That's really common sense. 3. If someone said something about you that was false .... either tell them about it, or let it go. I don't want to see anymore side jab status on FB when you live 5 miles from this person and you'll go to the same church on Sundays. 0.o  4. If your world is n

So......... Many people have asked me " Who is Mr Elevator Man"? Hell I don't know! This very fine man started talking to me on the elevator at work. I don't know his name, or where he works. So ....... me and my friend think that Mr. Elevator Man is ........................... THE JANITOR!!! Ok, we are not sure but listen he could be anyone. I think he see's me come in on the monitors in the lobby, rushes to change clothes, and then runs to the top floor and rides it down to me. Yes that is a lot to do in 60 seconds, but he may already have the pants and shirt on. I always see a badge but it's blank. So if he was the clean up executive/technician, then he wouldn't have his photo on his badge. Yup and his car could be his brothers, sisters boyfriend who is really his best friend from college that he let him borrow when he was house sitting for him, when he went out of the country to help the poor children of three world countries. YUP ...

Listen here SIR! I have told you my name twice, which is already one to many for me. I will not be telling you my name anymore, nor answering to Shay Bell. WHO IN THE WALRUS CLAPS is Shay Bell?? I get that your trying to strike up a converstation with me in this elevator but I already have one elevator man, I really don't need another one. How about you just say Good Morning......... and KEEP IT PUSHING! Now you have made the other two gentlemen in the elevator uncomfortable, because they heard me tell you ....... UMMMM THAT'S NOT MY NAME. * que man in the corner * Well this just got akward . So tomorrow if you see me on the elevator, staring at my phone because I don't want to talk to anyone, just nod that big ass Texas Cheese Steak head of yours and press your floor! xoxoxox The girl looking like she's on the movie Devil ..... Shay Bell...... NOT!

ME : * walk into the elevator and see M.E.M * M.E.M : You know I've been thinking, I don't think I really like her. I just don't know what she does to me. ME : I know what she does to you. She << insert curse word>> the <<insert curse word>> out of you. She is trying to get you to marry her so she doesn't have to work anymore. I mean, you did tell her your job title. * rolls my eyes* * another person enters the elevator* M.E.M : I mean *stops talking and stares straight ahead* OTHER PERSON ON THE ELEVATOR : *looks at him like he is CRAY! Me: * 0.o* Person exits the elevator Me: What the hell was that!!!! M.E.M: I don't want them all in our business. * presses the 1st floor button*                          (YES I WORK ON THE 7TH FLOOR REMEMBER) Me : 0.o What business? M.E.M: OUR BUSINESS!!! So what were we talking about. Me: How you are not in love with this girl, as I said last time, because she lays it down on you.

So I've gotten a GREAT number of emails asking me why I stopped taking my Body By VI Shakes. This post is just me going into details on why, at this moment, I am not shaking. TEHEHE .. I like that " shaking " . A few days after I hit my 10 pound marker, I weighed myself and I had gained 3 pounds. So I went about my usually routine, shake-snack-shake-snack-dinner-workout; and weighed again. I had gained another 2 pounds. So I was in my 3rd week and had gained 5 pounds back, and let's just say this girl was no happy camper.  I also started getting weird headaches about mid-afternoon. Now this could have nothing to do with the shakes but let's just say I haven't had them since I've been off of them. I am off of the shakes right now, but I'll be back on them in Mid - August. Since being off of them I have dropped 3 or the 5 extra pounds, can I get a WHOOP WHOOP! So just a few things I want to go over : Although I am not on the shakes, I still eat o

Dear All In Our Face with Your Loud Music Gas Pumper,  Listen here buddy, we morning gas station pumpers, are IN AND OUT! We do not want to hear your music, we don't want to have a conversation with you, and NO I DON'T WANT YOU TO PUMP MY GAS! If you would turn your FLIPPING radio down and stop checking everybody out, you would see that you didn't have room to pull in behind me ANYWAYS!!!  So next time please don't ask me for my phone number, yes I know I look nice in my work clothes, no I'm not going to tell you where I work. STALKER MUCH!!!!!  xoxoxoxo Girl who's been pumping her own gas since '05

OK so I'm pretty sure my scale is broke. Let me sprinkle some story telling dust ***************** So Saturday I weighed and I was up 4 pounds. 0.o Yes that's what my face did! I didn't do anything different, eat anything different ... NOTHING! So I weighed in this morning, and I've gain 2 more pounds. WHAT IN THE HAM AND CHEESE SANDWHICHS!!!!!! Went over my calorie in take and I'm doing what I should do. Plus my pants are a little saggin' so I think my scale is broke. So I decided before I pay ANOTHER $45, I am going to test this little bugger and see if it really is working like it should. Now I have seen family member lost big but they are WAY bigger than me. So I convince my Hunny that I will have 3 shakes a day, yes I know I'm sad too, and 3 bigger snacks. All equalling up to 1200 calories. I already work out, but I"m going to kick it up just a notch. I honestly think 10 pounds is all this shake is going to do for me. Xoxoxox Grumpy!

Listen, I need a rant! I am so OVER this shake. I just want to go to Cracker Barrel and have a GREAT, BIG, LARGE BREAKFAST! Instead, I'm having a Cranberry Crush shake. =( This morning, I barely bite the Hunny's head off because I wanted a breakfast biscuit sssoooooooooooo bad! I woke up HUNGRY as crap, and this shake was just not doing it. BUT I drank that shake, that not breakfast sandwich shake, and now I'm having water. I just want you guys to know that, yes I am struggling too. I think it's just a day phase. Yesterday I was ok, and the weekends are so good to me because they fly by! I love the weekends because I'm always on the move and then WAH-LAH its time to eat. So I am down 10 pounds. I have learned how to weigh myself correctly, and I will start doing measurements ....................... whenever I figure that out. So I hope you guys are doing better than me. I'm still pushing on. I said 90 days huh? Please pray for me. xoxoxox Missing my bre

It is so gloomy out today. UGH! I hope your day is brighter than mines. I did another late night run yesterday and to be honest I think I like them better. The sun isn't beaming on me, trying to give me cancer, and it isn't so hot. Now if I could just get the bugs to stay out of my mouth, I would be AH-OH-KAY! Today I have two new recipes!!!!!!! { insert yay here } I made a strawberry Short Cake and a Smore shake. MMMWWWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!! The Smore (recipe below) was really good! I forgot to put Graham cracker crumbs in it but it was still yummy! It wasn't to much to sweet or anything. I had it for my first meal of the day. I also had a sausage biscuit this moring, with only the bottom bread. SUE ME BUT I WAS FIENING! So if you have eaten something you know you shouldn't have, its OK! We all mess up from time to time! Now back to the shakes! I made a strawberry shortcake ( recipe below) on accident. I was making a cheesecake but some how when I added Graham

Dear Mr. Elevator Man, I am looking at your mouth move but I can't hear anything coming out. A classmate of mines told me that I should read 50 Shades of Gray and I would look at you differently. Well lets just say, I read a snippet of that book and that's why I'm staring at your weirdly. Whatever your talking about, I have no earthly idea..................................................................................................................................................... Ok I totally just heard you say engagement. WHAT IN THE DOLPHIN LIPS are you talking about! * Cue rant from me* Look, I really need you to get it together. Whomever this girl you are still screwing , while I adjust his shirt, is not all that if she lets you come out the house like that. You just broke up with your gold digging ex and now you have fallen in love with a vajayjay! Because not once have you told me this girls name, what she looks like, what she does! All I know is that, in

Hellllloooooooooo oh kind people!!! Today I am not having any new kind of shake. I was running late this morning and the mom called so I just threw some stuff in the blender and WAH-LA! So instead of talking about the shake I'm going to talk about these crazy cravings I'm having and how I'm fighting them off. So I use to have breakfast every morning before work, and now I have a shake. Late last week, I was craving Ihop remember? Well i fix a sandwich and a salad for lunch. About 930, I take one bite of my sandwich and about 12 oz of water and I'm good for another 45 minutes or so. Then the hungry giant REALLY KICKS IN! So I eat half the sandwich and get down about 20/30 oz of water. Yes I pee like a Russian RaceHorse! When it gets close to about 1130, I finish the sandwich and get my water ( 78oz bottle) down to about half. Now I have another shake waiting but I always get hungry towards the end of my day. Wanna know what I do? Eat that flipping salad, thats wh

Dear Suicide Watch, Would you like the number to the local help line? Why are you always on social media talking about how horrible your life is. THEN get pissed when people talk about you. OH GIRL, lay right here on my couch, lets talk. If you want people to stop talking about how crazy you are STOP POSTING YOUR LIFE ON SOCIAL NETWORKS. I understand that everyone has a bad day from time to time, but you have been having a bad day since 2010. I would delete you from my friends list but you just make me feel so much better about my life, I keep you around. Don't judge me, you have that person on your timeline that you say : "Damn, I'm doing wwwaaaayyyy better than them". I just want you to come to the light and see your life really isn't that bad. One day it's #solodolo F everybody and everything they stand for, nobody got me like I got me, I can't stand people, I'm so stressed then the same day 3 hours later its Turn Up! Kicking back with the boo, si

So I'm back! I'm on Day 11, which is technically day 16, but my mix didn't get here until Friday. Let me just say I'm over this one day shipping crap! I think the post office hates me too. Any who, Good news! I'm down 6 pounds .  * Does happy dance * I am trying to drop 4 more before Friday. I will have to watch it on Thursday. I love BBQ and all those lovely sides and sauces. I see a lot of running in my near future. OK I'm back ... had a moment. So this weekend I had a Caramel Shake , Berry Blast , Oreo and Caramel . This morning I had a Cranberry Crush and I made a Strawberry Caramel one. (Recipes Below) So I'm going to try to keep this short, but you guys now how that goes! So the Caramel shakes where SUPER SWEET! Like, I drank so much water after them it was crazy! It is sugar free and the recipe stated 2 table spoon, but unless you want to go into a suga' coma ( yeah I made that up) only add 1. It wasn't to thick, so add more