Lost A Mother, and Gained Another - Happy Mother's Day!

First off let me say HAPPY MOTHERS DAY to all the lovely mothers and single fathers out there. This is NOT for you"drop your kids off every weekend to go out" mothers. So yeah. this isn't for you. Moving right along ..... Just know I'm crying as I am writing this post today. I've had a weekend from hell. 

When I was 13 years old, I lost my grandmother. It is always hard when you lose a grandmother, but like most southern kids, my granny was my 1st mama. Now some of you may be like what? Your mama, is your first mama. Well that's not how I saw it. My mama was always my mama, but I lived with my grandmother more than my mom. My mother was a single mom, who worked MANY late nights to provide for me. I understood that growing up. I knew that I lived with my grandmother to go to a school my mother wanted me to go to, I knew that my mom would come by every afternoon to see me, check my homework, and possibly take me home with her if she didn't fall asleep at Granny's. Every summer, FREE DAYCARE lol, was spent at my granny's with my cousins. My mother was always my mama, but Granny was my first love. 

I remember the day she died like it was a few hours ago. My step dad woke me up and said your granny is sick we have to go to the hospital. My granny was a survivor, so I just thought aww we'll go, I'll lay in the bed with her for the night and she'll be back home tomorrow. I just remember seeing my aunt collapse in the floor, and I just knew. I knew with everything in my body that my granny, my first mama, my everything was gone. I never knew pain like that. I didn't think someone could rip your heart out of your chest and you still be alive breathing. There was nothing else for me to live for, I thought. 

I lost a mother that night, but I gained one as well. Since I no longer had my Granny, things I would ask and talk to her about, now I had to go to my mom. It was the MOST trying time. Back then I didn't understand why my mama would go in her room, or was so sad all the time. Was it me? Was I really that bad? And if she was sad, why don't I ever see her cry? Let me just back up and give you the dates, so maybe you would understand things better. My Grandmother died about 2 weeks after mother's day, and we buried her 2 days after my moms birthday. So May was a difficult month to say the least.

So mom, I just want you to know that now I understand. I understand that you knew if I saw you cry, I would cry. I understand all the things that were done, ignored because your foundation was gone. I always try to be around as much as I can in the month of May because I know its hard. I planned this trip for us every year and this year I had to leave on Saturday morning because my boyfriends car broke down back home and we had to go get it fixed. I walked into the room to tell you , and you already knew that I was upset. So you just wrapped me up and told me it was ok, that you understood and just let me cry. No one else knows me like you, and know one else knows you like me. Now I REALLY know the meaning that money doesn't grow on trees. Happy Mothers Day Mama!!! See you soon. :) 

 
 

xoxoxo

where are the tissues ....