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Dear MEM, You Live Close BY?

Dear MEM, 

Why are you on the same Publix aisle that I am? Do you live close by? Why are you eye-rapping this lady next to me and why is she giving me the stank eye? OOOHHHHHHHKKKKAAAAYYYY, this is getting weird. Hello!!!! Pay attention to me when I'm talking to you, why are you in my Publixs!! Yes I claimed it. So you don't live close nor do you live far? This conversation is really confusing. Listen, pulling my arm to take me to the pet food aisle, isn't very friendly! Ok, you got that ladies number 5 minutes ago, and you are texting her now? * rubs forehead* Your still on the pipe aren't you? That is so weird, texting someone that you just received their number less then 10 seconds ago!! SSTTOOOPPPP!! What did I tell you about this weird shat? Then your doing this weird poppin' penguins dance around me, like what the hell are you doing?
I'm going to take my steamed broccoli and go home. NO you can't come over, NO I will not invite you over soon, NO we will not double date with you and Nanny McWeirdo over there, just NO!! By the way, this isn't going to work. By this I do mean, Dolly Parton over there. If her boobs were any bigger, she's clear the shelf, and if her workout pants were any tighter; we'd have fresh yeast for bread. So be sure to strap up. No I don't mean with a gun. OMG you need to get out more. Let me try this again. Be sure to wear protection, because I know you're going to be chasing waterfalls on date 1. 

xoxoxo
let's keep these meetings in the elevator

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