It's great to see you back blogging. I have a quick question that I am hoping to get some advice on. I met my ex girlfriend right after she had her son, about 4 years ago. I thought she was a great strong woman and pursued her anyways. Her baby father was never around. Her son called me Pop Pop and I am he's father. His mother and I are no longer together ( 2 years now ) but we still co parent. About 2 months ago the child's father came back into the picture. This man has not done anything for this child and now she is pushing me away. I pick him up every day from school and take him to he's after school activities until she gets off work. Now she wants the father to pick him up and wants me to cut off all communication with this child. I just feel like the child's father is just doing this because he's parents don't like me taking the child around my family. Long story short, I posted a photo of all my family and him at a family reunion without her and they started asking questions. Not that they have cared any other time if he is alive or not. ) My family is all that he knows, my mother is his MeMe and he father is he's granddaddy. I do not want to walk away from him but I don't know what to do to make her see that we can all just try and co-parent. And yes I know he is not technically mine, but he is.
Thanks
Dear No Name Man ,
This is a pretty simple answer : you are just going to have see if you can sit down and explain your position on the matter. Tell her how you feel, how you think the child feels, and why you don't think it's right to push you away now because you are all he knows. Now as you know, he isn't really yours. so any decision she makes - you are going to have to live with. But try to explain your side. Why you feel that the real father doesn't deserve to just be able to step back in - and pushed you out - when he hasn't proved himself constantly (and please do this without ever raising your voice).
Also, try to come in with a solution about how you feel like you all can still be involved in the childs life. Maybe a time frame, a schedule - so even if the father does stay there; the only father he has had this father doesn't lose what he has. Sorry I couldn't give you one of my more profound answers. This is pretty much cut and dry. I hope everything works out for you. Let us know how it goes.
PS - One thing you have to understand is that she is emotional right now. She isn't thinking she is going to get a father for her child, she is thinking she is about to get her boyfriend back . So you have to realize that she is doing what she is doing because she is trying to get a relationship started. You don't want to go in loud and screaming getting her reeled up, which will make her feel like you are trying to mess up her relationship. BECAUSE that's where her head is. So be weary of that, go in with an open mind and state your case.
- Danny
Send your questions to sbarrett3289@gmail.com
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