I Went To Jail

Ya'll ... they locked a playa UP!!!!! They tried to keep a real G down!!! They tried to hold this black woman BACK!! Let me tell ya'll what had happened .....

So in March I had an accident. I thought I hit the man but after explaining it to everybody, it seems he might have hit me. All I know is I was trying to see around a curb. I pulled up a little and saw him truck fly by. I stopped but he kept going and his card took the side of my car with him. So panicking me - I just wrote that I hit him. EITHER WAYYYYYYY - the police came, got all out information, INSURANCE INFO ( remember this part ) and sent us on our way. Mind you Geico still ain't fixed my shit .... and it's May .... but that's another story.

I also got a ticket earlier that week - that week was like the worst. I hadn't had a wreck or gotten a ticket in 10 years, broke that record that week I tell ya. Any whooossss .... my soon to be mother in law told me to go up there and ask for driving school to lower my ticket, plus it won't go on my driving record. BOOM! Works for me right? Let's get to the day my black ass got arrested. Grab a drink ... because I need it ...

Since my last name starts with a B, I'm always first. I take my little ass up there .. " Umm yes sir majesty ummm I would like to go to driving school and be a great student to lower this high ass ticket. " Judge says yes you may, see the lady on the corner. The lady on the corner says you'll go out this door and see the lady across the hall to set your date .. BUT FIRST .. go see the police officer at the other end of the desk. I'm new to this ya'll - I didn't know what was going for a G.

" Umm yes Mr. BadBoysBadBoysWhatCHaGonnaDoWhatChaGonnaDoWhenTheyComeForYou, the lady on the end told me to come see you."
" Yes I have a warrent for your arrest"
" Me :

 I said uhrahummm .. for whet? When? This is the only ticket I have gotten in 10 years. He says for driving without insurance in a white challenger. I said my car - I have never gotten a ticket in my car! ( My ticket was in the Mister's truck ). He says ma'am I can't see more than that but I have to take you to the back. INSTANT MUTHA F'N PANIC!!!!!  I called Danny up there and he is looking crazier than I am about me getting arrested. He walked me to the back ya'll I was fighting them tears ok! I was FIGHTING!! Handcuffed me to the little pole thing, where the phone was and bail bonds numbers where. I started thinking about how I was gone survive in jail right .. like I'm gone get me a down ass bitch and she gone fight er'body for me so I can eat in peace right .. right right .. or or or right .. I'm not gone bathe and write my name in shit on my cell wall THAT WAY - I'll do my time in the hole and no one will see me .... OOORRR I'm just gone have to fuck a guard and get pregnant. Danny will understand.

I get told I am bailing my own self out .. like umm ok sure ... I STILL get finger printed and I STILL get a mug shot .. My first one ya'll .. they didn't even let a hoe put her eyebrows on!! Lips was as ashy as Tyrone Biggim' lips .. They finally tell me who put the warrant out on me and IT'S THE OLD ASS MAN THAT I WAS IN THE ACCIDENT WITH!! Now how in the hell they let old ass man put a warrant out on me for the accident - that on the damn police report that he got my name off of - SAID MY INSURANCE COMPANY AND POLICY NUMBER !!!! How in the UNITED RACIST STATES OF AMERICAAASSSS did no one look and see that I had insurance! Likeeee the police would've towed my car AND given me a ticket THAT DAY! Stupid ass white man!

I went to trial this morning - minus the 12 white folks and I won!! Case Dismissed!! Eat Shit Old Man!!