Dear Mr. Elevator Man

I honestly didn't have much to talk about today because I am an emotional wreck waiting for the baby to come today. I just wanted to share here what I am Thankful for. Personal shout outs to follow. LOL.  First I am thankful for the Amazing God that I serve. Last year, I left my job because I was so stressed that it was effecting my body. I trusted and believed that God would make a way and provide for my household and he did just that. All I could do month to month, until I got back to where I needed to be, was thank God  because I never missed a meal, nothing was cut off, I was clothed and still was able to go out and do things. For that I am thankful and blessed with a better job paying way more than I was making before. My faith is so much bigger than a mustard seed. I'm thankful for my mother . OMG she gets on my nerves so bad sometimes but I love her with everything in my body. We have not always gotten alone and sometimes we go a little while without speaking but

D e a r M E M ,  My head hurts ... I want you to shut up like right now. If I had to energy and height to Donkey Kong you right now ..... you'd be on the floor. I have ridden this stupid elevator twice up and down and now I'm standing by the break room trying to find a spoon to dig a tunnel away from you. It's so funny how you always try to convince me that THIS IDEA is the GRAND idea. Who do you think you talking to? Ok I understand you met this " heavenly angel " (your words not mine) at the QuikTrip gas station. Let's just stop rrriiigggghhhttttt there! Didn't I tell your crazy ass not to talk to anyone else! You just don't listen. My momma always said I hard head makes a soft ass and I have on flats today! I will call up B16 and have your ass put in the hole like Jake and Huck were! If your not watching scandal ... just leave this blog right now! Your a disgrace!  OK ... She's beautiful, nice, sweet, charming, blah blah .... Doofus you d

H a p p y M o n d a y ! So remember a few post back I stated I would give a surprise for my 2500th read? Probably not but let's just go with you do um'kay? Well my surprise was going to be a live "Dear MEM" on YouTube but it went aaaalllllllllllll the way left! I just liked nothing about myself this day. I mean, my everything was wrong. ON TOP of that, my face looked like Winnie The Pooh's tummy full of honey and my hunny told me I looked Chubby how I was sitting on the bed. I know he meant no harm because he laughed when he said it but that was the straw that broke the camels back,that made the wolf sneeze and blow the house down, the last straw they put on Jesus manger! Now if you have been following my blog for the little time it's been up, you know I struggle with weight. I have lost about 15 pounds from my heaviest weight, but it's still not enough. You know how you just think, oh this is great, I've lost a nice amount, clothes fit better, until

Happy Sunday Funday!!!   I LOVE NetFlicks!! I always find these hidden gems and I usually share them on FaceBook. I have sucked my cousin Tonya into two shows that I watched no YouTube and also people from work as well. So I will try on Sundays to let you know what I'm watching on NetFlicks. This week I have been watching Parenthood. O M G!!! I am on season 3 and I have already cried several times, cursed out my computer screen, laughed until I had to rush to the bathroom, I love this show! OK so here is the family break down :  Zeek & Camille are the parents/grandparents - they have been married for 46 years but they have major issues that surface at the end of season one more in season 2. Their children have no idea and it puts them in a weird space Adam - the oldest son has a wife, Kristina , a son Max and daughter Haddie. Christine is a stay at home mom and Adam runs a shoe company. In the first season you find out what's wrong with Max, but the second seaso

Dear Mr. Shoulder Rapist,  Listen, I don't know what Sam's shoulder does to you but this has to stop! Every time he see's you he is climbing up my front side or clawing at a wall trying to break free. Let's recap what you did to my poor poor Sam. < insert flowing clouds > Sam and I are having our normal ride down and this gentleman gets on the elevator with us. Sam moves to the side and the guys is staring at his shoulder like it's a fresh chicken in a village of homeless people. He reaches out his hand and places it upon Sam's shoulder. He then rubs it HARD and caresses Sam's shoulder. Sam is not able to handle this and I can see the tears coming alive in his face. Now this is 4 floors he has been holding on to Sam's shoulder. We get to the first floor and same shoots out like people wish their roaches did when company is over.   Now to me this is the funniest shat I have seen. I grown man caressing another man's shoulder like that .....

How did I end up getting out of the car, at the same time that you get out of your car? Listen, you are such a beautiful man. Like if you decided to be a woman, you could totally pull it off. I am happily taken. Like The Cosby Show happy, like they put two toys in my happy meal when I was 5 y/o happy, like HAPPY BIRTHDAY! ok, that didn't make any sense but w/e. Also, you see this wall mount that is always on this elevator when you get on with me? Yes Freaky Jason right there staring at you in the mirror. You make his neck vein pop out and it makes me nervous. Once my mom neck vein popped out when I was getting a whooping and just let me tell you ............ I wore sweatpants all week. I want to live. I'm pretty sure you want to live so here we go with just a few things that you can do for me and I'll continue to smile at you on this quick ride up. 1. Thanks for telling me I have nice big brown eyes. You can't see to my soul, so stop staring into my face. It's c

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ................................. MEM you are a grumpy, sad , pouting MESS! Standing there with your Starbucks coffee,with your tailored suit on ... .GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!! I don't know what else to do. Like ............ ok, you got stood up, it sucks, let's move on. I know your thinking, how did I "MEM, Exec. blah blah, meh, meh, meh" get stood up. Shit happens. Sidebar : I literally have on all black, with a sweater jacket, with my glasses on. I really tapped into my un-creditable counselor today. This is really becoming a career for me. So, we have no one to bring to the holiday dinners this year. Let's keep it that way. Stop trying to find someone to show off. At this point, I just want to call your family and have a come to Jesus meeting. Like jump into the ocean, locate Nemo, tell Dory I said hello, go find the Lil Mermaid and ask the hoe to get some legs and be with you. Like I don't know what else I can do to

I am DOG ASS TIRED today. I am in the beginning stages of my PMS symptoms break down, so I want to cry, eat chocolate, laugh, sleep, eat popeyes chicken, and get under my covers and not come out. Only, I'm at work with paperwork coming out of my rear end that needs to be done by today. I swear my phone has rang 5 times and I have not answered it because I want to keep my job. Right now, I am laid back in my seat, typing whatever comes to mind. Welcome to my monday thoughts! - My bf's sister is due anyday now and I wish that damn baby would come on! I love the smell of little babies. - Love doesn't need to be the only reason you marry someone. Is that person a team player? How are they with paying bills? Have you met their family on other occasions other than the holidays and like them? If at some point you don't feel that butterfly love affect, will you both try to light the spark again? IJS, can't marry a person because they are a nice person. Nice only gets y

BALLS!! His and Her I LLLLOOVVEEEE Christmas! I have lived in my apartment for about 3 years and the Hunny and I have not put up a Christmas tree ever. Who are we, The Stooges?  I put my foot down this year and we are getting a tree. With that being said, I went to The Dollar Tree and made it rain!!!!! Photos above are just some of the things we picked up. I still have tons more to get, like an actual tree *side eyes*,  but I have 98.5 % of my decoration. The Dollar Tree has some really nice ornaments and other things to rack up on. I mean It's all just $1, CHARGE IT UP! I'll post more photos after Christmas of the tree in all it's glory. Honestly before you hit up the Supers, check out your local dollar tree for some goodies. - No I'm not being paid to say this. Just wanted to share my findings. -  Yeah, I'm still mad about MEM getting stood up . (click here for story)   I have over 2200 reads and I just want to say Thanks to everyone wh

Dear Mr. Elevator Man,  I just want to hug you right now. Like I'm sad, pissed and frustrated!! I've never been stood up but I know there are ways that people can prevent this. So I am going to leave you here and address pretty little miss ..................... Dear Ungrateful Piece of Ass,  YOU NO NO HOW TO USE PHONE?! Why would you stand someone up? Listen here you snot nose, wanna be bunny ranch worker, hamburger-helper serving, flat butt heifer!!!!!! You call when you can't make it! You send a bird, superman, those little things on despicable me, SOMETHING! Now I begged this damn man to take you out again, because let's face it hunny ...... YOU WERE NOT CUTTING IT! Then you <insert HARD curse word> it UP!!! Calm down Shanice . Did you see he's face? OOOOOFFFFF Course your "i shoot animals for fun hunting" ass didn't! So let me run down this ....... He called you earlier that morning to confirm ....... You said your going to be there 

I WILL NOT SHARE A MAN! I don't see how women do this. I know you are thinking, what in the goose eggs is she talking about. Well I'll tell ya, thanks for asking boo! Mr Shiny Black, Akon, stated that no 1 woman can satisfy a man, and no one man can satisfy a woman. This girl's mama didn't raise no fool and I can smell BS from a mile away. Now everyone has their own beliefs and I respect that. BBBUUUTTTT listening to the Ricky Smiley morning show this morning, and people calling in agreeing with this ......... listen ya'll ....... I had to cut the radio off.  I'm not even going to get on all the points, I'm just going to GO. So keep up umkay! I'm not with that sharing shit. This lady said well as long as when he's with me when it's my time I don't care. GIRL WHET THE HELL!! ARE YOU SERIOUS! I'm not sure if you ladies of the world know this but we can get bacterial infection very quickly if we are not careful. So if girl #2 has been i

I am ssssooooo tired of going out and seeing these children's heads looking like Helen Keller did their heads, while your swing your 20 inch beach blond body wave. I don't understand how you can come out of your house and your baby look like she played in a sand storm and you smiling at every man you see. GIRL WHET? When people know that you have children, they don't care what you look like if your child walking around with Albert Einstein sides. Is it so hard to do hair,and put your kids on clean clothes? OH MY SWEET SUGARY BROWN don't let me get on why your baby has a snort mustache going on!!!! I just need you parents to do better. Like a whole lot better. Like a thousand times a thousand times 6 more damn thousand better. So girl in the QT line, getting ready to pay for your whatever, while your child ponytail is in the mile high club ........................................ get back in that Ford Focus, return that It's Fashion outfit, clean your babies face, br

Happy Monday all you awesome people!! Happy Veteran's Day to all of our solider serving now and that have served! You guys are much appreciated!  I have been asked by a few people * waves at Terri, hey girl!* about my Vi Shakes and if I am still on my weight lost mission. I am ....... slowly! LOL. I am no longer on the shakes, because * men scroll along, getting personal* it throws off my cycle. The soy in the shake makes it wwaaayyy longer and I am NOT here for it. Like, not at all, not tomorrow, not next week, not after I have children, NOT NEVER . My parents are on it and they are doing pretty well. My mom's was the same way, thank God it wasn't the menz I'm not ready , but she is down to one shake a day.  So I lost 15 pounds in two weeks, a little while back. I thought I was SO fine, I stopped working out. Chile ... that 15 pounds jump right back on my wide ass in just a few shorts weeks. I always say I'm not going to do another diet, I'm just going t

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So, I asked you guys  to send me anything you wanted and to also follow me on IG Remember ? Well this will be the section I answer you questions. Remember this is just my opinion, you may take whatever you want from it or leave it here on this page. If you agree or disagree comment below! Let's talk about it! Hi! I enjoy your blog and I was wondering how do you feel about cheating? I saw in one of your post MEM slept with two girls in the same month. Although they were never official, some people would say that he is kind of cheating on the first woman. What are your thoughts? Dear Cheated On (I know you didn't say you were but I like this as a title so go with me here umkay!) ,  I have very strong feeling about cheating. If MEM ever were to cheat on his actual girl, whenever he gets one, I would open up a full STORE of whoop ass. When you are in your teen years,just being a kid, not knowing this from that, I feel like that is the ONLY time you kinda get a pass. I mean

Its your lucky day! Since I couldn't decide to tell about the ride today with MMM or the date update, I'm doing both.  Update on Date :  I worked late yesterday and caught him on the way down. I now know what floor he works on but I really wish I didn't. The less I know about him the less real I can make him be.  So, you texted her and she was pretty upset about the $50? Can you really blame her? It's like you were paying her for her services. I know you don't get it, I can tell by the look on your face, but trust me you kinda pimp slap her. Your mad because she is giving it back. Didn't I tell you she was going to do that? OK so the list of things she wants on the next date is : you to dress down, not spend over $50 on food, and somewhere local. Sam and I think this will be the final date. I really like this girl, but she is pushing it with MEM. You'll know he is flashy and demanding.  Take her to Chillis and call it a day MEM. Your a texter, she'

Another random post from you know who :)  I just want to say thanks for everyone who enjoys this blog. This started out as an idea that a friend suggested from FB and has turned into a pretty amazing thing for me. I have about 40 post, with over 1800 views. Can you believe that? With all the misspelled words, and misplaced words in this blog you would think people would be like " this girl needs to go back to school". NOPE! I'm still paying back student loans now.  So just a few random thoughts and answers to your questions. I really have emails!!! I'm still in denial, don't worry.  1. I don't think I'm funny. I just write whatever comes to mind.  2. Yes, there is really a MEM. My friend "Sam" has seen him on the elevator.  3. I am still thinking about accepting your "profiles" for MEM. IDK. You guys are kinda cray. 4.Yes I know my blog is super wack. Aint nobody ask you to be nasty! HOE! I didn't think people were going

Lets just say I have some hate mail going on in my inbox about this situation. Someone even suggested that I ask you guys to send me pictures to send to him. Listen, I can't even believe people are reading my blog, let alone hook up my stranger elevator ride friend with my stranger readers. LOL. I will keep this in mind. I will have to swing it some type of way because he doesn't know about this blog.  ANYWHO on to the good stuff : The Date!!! * que lighting and thunder*  He went to pick her up and SHE changed the plans. He was going to take her out to wine and dine her but she said NO SIR! I love her already. She invited him in where she had a full meal prepared, with wine and dessert. He was totally shocked. The meal was steak, salad, asparagus, homemade mash potatoes, and rolls. There was a cheese tray to start off with. Well isn't she fancy. If I can take how he was smiling as he was telling me the story, he had a great time. Did i mention he was standing outs

Dear Cashier,  I am a woman, you are a woman, therefore I see what you are doing. I really don't want to curse you out in front of all these people, but that little hidden flirting thing your doing, I'M NOT HERE FOR IT . All that extra giggling and eye raping your doing to my man is going to make me Carrie your butt. I just don't understand why people test us girlfriends. I am NOT his sister, cousin, cool friend, or jump off. We are buying groceries and household good for the sake of your quick weave!!! I clearly just said do you have your card, or do I need to use mines, that should let you know. But still you ignore me, won't make eye contact with me, but if I reach over this counter and smack the shit out of you I bet you look at me then. No matter how many times you giggle and look at him girl he is not checking for you. He knows whats going on and he knows I'm crazy so therefor, DISCOUNT DOUBLE CHECK , and bag this shit up!  xoxoxox Crazy Bih in lane 5