Dear Mr. Elevator Man

I have nothing to blog about today. Nothing special happened. Saw Pac ific Rim this weekend. Wanted to kill the kids I sat beside. " Can I have some of your <insert food item> " they ke pt whisper shouting. Parents teach your kids how to WHISPER! I'm doing a fast before I start my new meal plan. Yup. That's it. Umhm.  Girl your booty got me lost like Nemo. Listen up ladies!! I don't know who told you all that wearing this skullies (winter hats ) with jean shorts were the IT factor this summer but girl ...... you are SWEATING! That aint hot. Well clearly you are but that fashion statement will have you in some one's ER. Hello everyone from the UK!!!! I was excited to see that on my location page. My friend is looking for a penpal in several cities that he will be traveling soon. I think he is going to get chopped up and never return to the USA. He is just to friendly. I'm pretty sure he is " not claiming this is Jesus Name". ...

Yesterday I was OVER IT! Like I was ready to throw the towel in. I was having a conversation with this jelly ( belly ) and I was just asking it to compromise with me in certain outfits. Yes, we have that type of relationship. BUT she was on something else. Like Hey girl, I'm here to stand out! No one cares about what you want. So after a bottle of wine, don't judge I only drank a few sips, I decided I didn't want to do a "diet". I just wanted a meal plan and a more extreme work out. Let's just praise God for Google ok! So a good friend, who I haven't seen in forever, Jennifer, is ALWAYS talking about this Paleo thingy-mah-bob. She LOVES bacon  I love bacon  and she LOVES to eat I love to eat and she's THIN AS EVER! Not like crackhead thin, but like a really nice thin. Just go with me now ......... So I Googled it and thought hhhmmmmmmm I could use this as a meal plan. Its just eating what grows, in a nut shell. NO processed food. Listen, I will ...

WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!! I don't understand why this weight just doesn't come off. I mean I really don't want you to stay here Mr.Weight, I would much rather you pack you all your extra friends and get the flapjacks off my body! I got on the scale yesterday and it stated that I gained ALL the weight I lost PLUS 5 MORE POUNDS! Let's just say this girl was NOT a happy camper. Then I went and measured myself. Why in Satan's toenails did I do that? Listen my bottom in bigger than most of you guys TV! Although I can say I am proud that my top half and bottom half are/is/whatever bigger than my stomach/waist area I am still OVER IT ! My hunny and bestie are trying to cheer me up but I really AIN'T here for it. I was going to go on a water diet. Yes I know ..... what the hell are you thinking Shanice! Well I was thinking this fat would fall off since I would be putting no calories in myself. Let's just say ...

Dear People with ADD, I really understand that you are not complete OMG look its a sting ray. Oh wait sting ray's don't fly, duh I meant to say a Blue Jay. I have loved Blue Jays FOREVER! Remember when all those people were fighting over those Jordan's last year? THAT'S HOW IT GOES!!! I love you all to pieces, I really do but I need you to concentrate on me when you are talking to me about something really important. When you get sidetracked and then can't remember what you wanted to tell me ........... lighten strike and the thunder roars!!!!! Like why can't you just KEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPP ON BELLLIIIIIEEEEEVVVVVVVVIIIIIINNNNNNGGGGGGG!!! Tehehe that song is so random. 0.o xoxoxox The Eye Of The Tiger

Dear Please Grow UP, I am COMPLETELY over you. I don't understand how you have been on this earth for however many years but you can't seem to get your CRAP together. Now I'm not one to judge because I have my own house to clean up but no one is here for your foolishness. Stop depending on others to always HAVE it for you or PROVIDE what you need when you don't have it. At this point in time, you need to tighten up those boot straps and get to getting! Listen, if you can't afford it LEAVE IT THERE! Come out of Neva-Neva Land and into the real world. Pay your bills, gas your car up, stock your house with food and supplies and LIVE LIFE! Your sucking the LIFE out of those people you depend on and it's not cute. It's also not right for them. Through your burdens on God, not friends! I could continue to go on but I'm just not in the mood today ............... Stay Groovy xoxoxoxo Juicy J background dancer

Dear Pity Party For 1, Please build a bridge and get over it. Everyone goes through things, we all have failed at something, that doesn't mean get on social media and cry EVERY TREE HUMPING DAY! I met with the social media owners and we have decided if you can't calm it down some on the " oh life is so hard, where is the rope?" we are going to disable your account! FOREVER! So here is my advice for some of your most common issues I've seen : 1. If your babies father isn't shit ........ provide the best you can. Tell us will not change the fact. We will not be signing up to do daddy shifts with your child. 2. If you hate your job ....... GET ANOTHER ONE! That's really common sense. 3. If someone said something about you that was false .... either tell them about it, or let it go. I don't want to see anymore side jab status on FB when you live 5 miles from this person and you'll go to the same church on Sundays. 0.o  4. If your...

So......... Many people have asked me " Who is Mr Elevator Man"? Hell I don't know! This very fine man started talking to me on the elevator at work. I don't know his name, or where he works. So ....... me and my friend think that Mr. Elevator Man is ........................... THE JANITOR!!! Ok, we are not sure but listen he could be anyone. I think he see's me come in on the monitors in the lobby, rushes to change clothes, and then runs to the top floor and rides it down to me. Yes that is a lot to do in 60 seconds, but he may already have the pants and shirt on. I always see a badge but it's blank. So if he was the clean up executive/technician, then he wouldn't have his photo on his badge. Yup and his car could be his brothers, sisters boyfriend who is really his best friend from college that he let him borrow when he was house sitting for him, when he went out of the country to help the poor children of three world countries. YUP ... ...