Hi guys!
I wish to leave my name out of this for the protection of the other people in this story incase this goes viral. These days it seems anything might just go.
My fiancé and I have been together for 5 years. We recently got engaged Summer 2017. My fiancé has a 7 year old and although he says his baby mother is crazy, I have met her and think she is quite sane to me. My fiancé gets upset when she calls for things but honestly it's all for the betterment of their child. Recently her car broke down, she called to see if he could help her get it fixed and he said no. We had a really heated argument about this because he doesn't see how her car not being able to get fixed hurts their child more. He always falls back on the "she better call her man(which she doesn't have one) or she better call her parents). She was not able to get her car fixed and lost her job.
Last month she called him crying because she was being evicted from her apartment and since her car had been sitting idle at the complex, they were threatening to have it towed. He hung up on her. I was LIVID! I kicked him out my house and contacted her on Facebook. I went and picked up her and THEIR son and moved them into my house. I helped her get her car towed and fixed, and she recently just got a job. This all happened within two weeks of me driving to her apartment that night. She has not asked anything from me and is trying to pay me rent and money for getting her car fixed. Honestly I had fun/shopping money put to the side and that's what I used and I don't need it back.
The problem is now my fiancé isn't talking to me and I want to call the wedding off. He keeps saying she is playing me but I saw the eviction notice, and her car was really messed up. She needed a fuel pump, and brakes! Talking to my friends about this, they are saying I should've stayed out of it but the woman in me couldn't. I have never heard her ask for anything outrageous from him, HE ISN'T ON CHILDSUPPORT, and she is a really sweet girl. I'm not trying to be her best friend, but I wasn't about to let her be homeless. I recently found out her family lives in Ohio (we live in Texas) and aren't really financially able to help her. My question to you is : Do you think I over stepped?
Now I'm letting Danny answer this because I want you (the readers) hear from man POV.
The first thing I want to say is I commend you for being the person you are. Now granted, I don't know you for real and you could be a shitty person outside of this. But for the sake of this letter, you seem to be a good person who has her head on straight. The things that people in this world seem to lack, and seem to forget about a lot of times, are the words compassion, empathy, and humanity. Compassion: as in caring for the hardships and misfortunes one might have; and wanting to help them. Empathy: as in understanding someone else's feelings. Humanity: as in " we all in this shit together mutha fucka. "
So to say that, I want to say that I think you made the correct decision for bring her into your house. What a lot of people don't do is care for others. So when she is getting evicted, car doesn't work ,has no job, no family around to help her out, baby daddy not helping, people just want to let her and her child sleep on the streets. When we see people in need of help, and we have it, that's what we should do at all times. It shouldn't matter what your gonna get back or whos gonna appreciate you doing it. It should only be about doing what's right. Your friends want you to stay out of it most likely because their invested in your relationship with your fiancé. And probably have a preconceived notion that a woman or man shouldn't get involved in their counterpart pass relationship. But why? Because their not invested in the betterment of their fellow (wo)man.
Now, the elephant in the room is your fiancé. The first thing I want to talk about with him is him being a selfish ass mf. LOL.You're not on child support, and you obviously are not broke. So why not help? Most baby whatever's don't pay equally or invest time equally in their child, when their not living in the home. There are those that do try to spend as much time as they can with their child, and to make sure everything else is straight around them. The welfare of the child's parent that they live with is paramount to the help of the child. If it's too much for that parent it can bring on stress. If it brings on stress, you usually take it out on the people that's around you aka the child. The in home parent usually pays more for the child and handles most of the child's daily, weekly, and hourly needs. So unless your giving a far share, if they call and need help, YOU SHOULD HELP. Regardless of how you'll ended. If she can't handle the child, or handle the needs of the child, then go get your child. But it seems like she's not a bad parent but just fell on hard times.
The second thing I want to talk about is your relationship with your fiancé. Not the whole relationship, because I don't know it and that's not what you wrote about. But THIS part of your relationship. You've been with him for five years so you know his tendencies, you know who he is now. That's something I call knowing your personnel. For example; if I was playing basketball, 5 on 5, and I have two teammates that I can pass the ball too. One of them, a good defender, can score at the rim, but not a good long distance shooter. The other, if a great long distance shooter, and okay at other things. If the shot clock is winding down, and I don't have a shot, and I pass it to player 1 beyond the 3 point line, and he misses the shot, then I can't be mad. I know my personnel, I know that he was most likely going to miss that shot. When I could've passed it to player 2, and he most likely would've made that shot.
See you've been around him long enough to pick up on his relationship with his baby mama. You even said she doesn't ask for anything outrageous. You guys have had arguments about this, so obviously you feel that he isn't living up to who you think he should be in this instance. Which is something that if you want to get your relationship back strong, that's something you two are going to have to reconcile and get a solution too this. Let him know you aren't doing this to spite him, but helping someone in need, HIS CHILD AND BABY MAMA. If she plays you then hey, you've gotten played and he can say I told you so.
Now I've said all this to say. I wouldn't call off the wedding just yet. I would see if you two can work this out. I probably wouldn't have just kicked him out, I would've given him the option of us moving them in so they can get on their feet then leaving OR I can move them in and you can go stay at your cousin Ron Ron house. Because I'm going to do what's right and not leave her on the streets. The fact that that's even an option speaks to a character flaw that I don't like in your fiancé. Like hey, you want your kid on the street bruh? But hey .. that's me. So don't throw away your relationship just yet, there are always gonna be hard times. Hopefully he can see the error of his ways and changes for the better. Keep doing you, keep looking out for the people you can help, when you can help, and wake up the next day knowing you aren't a bad person. PLEASE write me back and let me know how this go.
PS If lil Ray Ray or Rayshonda waste some juice on your carpet, make sure you give his/her mama the side eye so she know ... bih get your some in order. This ain't no permanent residence.
I wish to leave my name out of this for the protection of the other people in this story incase this goes viral. These days it seems anything might just go.
My fiancé and I have been together for 5 years. We recently got engaged Summer 2017. My fiancé has a 7 year old and although he says his baby mother is crazy, I have met her and think she is quite sane to me. My fiancé gets upset when she calls for things but honestly it's all for the betterment of their child. Recently her car broke down, she called to see if he could help her get it fixed and he said no. We had a really heated argument about this because he doesn't see how her car not being able to get fixed hurts their child more. He always falls back on the "she better call her man(which she doesn't have one) or she better call her parents). She was not able to get her car fixed and lost her job.
Last month she called him crying because she was being evicted from her apartment and since her car had been sitting idle at the complex, they were threatening to have it towed. He hung up on her. I was LIVID! I kicked him out my house and contacted her on Facebook. I went and picked up her and THEIR son and moved them into my house. I helped her get her car towed and fixed, and she recently just got a job. This all happened within two weeks of me driving to her apartment that night. She has not asked anything from me and is trying to pay me rent and money for getting her car fixed. Honestly I had fun/shopping money put to the side and that's what I used and I don't need it back.
The problem is now my fiancé isn't talking to me and I want to call the wedding off. He keeps saying she is playing me but I saw the eviction notice, and her car was really messed up. She needed a fuel pump, and brakes! Talking to my friends about this, they are saying I should've stayed out of it but the woman in me couldn't. I have never heard her ask for anything outrageous from him, HE ISN'T ON CHILDSUPPORT, and she is a really sweet girl. I'm not trying to be her best friend, but I wasn't about to let her be homeless. I recently found out her family lives in Ohio (we live in Texas) and aren't really financially able to help her. My question to you is : Do you think I over stepped?
Now I'm letting Danny answer this because I want you (the readers) hear from man POV.
The first thing I want to say is I commend you for being the person you are. Now granted, I don't know you for real and you could be a shitty person outside of this. But for the sake of this letter, you seem to be a good person who has her head on straight. The things that people in this world seem to lack, and seem to forget about a lot of times, are the words compassion, empathy, and humanity. Compassion: as in caring for the hardships and misfortunes one might have; and wanting to help them. Empathy: as in understanding someone else's feelings. Humanity: as in " we all in this shit together mutha fucka. "
So to say that, I want to say that I think you made the correct decision for bring her into your house. What a lot of people don't do is care for others. So when she is getting evicted, car doesn't work ,has no job, no family around to help her out, baby daddy not helping, people just want to let her and her child sleep on the streets. When we see people in need of help, and we have it, that's what we should do at all times. It shouldn't matter what your gonna get back or whos gonna appreciate you doing it. It should only be about doing what's right. Your friends want you to stay out of it most likely because their invested in your relationship with your fiancé. And probably have a preconceived notion that a woman or man shouldn't get involved in their counterpart pass relationship. But why? Because their not invested in the betterment of their fellow (wo)man.
Now, the elephant in the room is your fiancé. The first thing I want to talk about with him is him being a selfish ass mf. LOL.You're not on child support, and you obviously are not broke. So why not help? Most baby whatever's don't pay equally or invest time equally in their child, when their not living in the home. There are those that do try to spend as much time as they can with their child, and to make sure everything else is straight around them. The welfare of the child's parent that they live with is paramount to the help of the child. If it's too much for that parent it can bring on stress. If it brings on stress, you usually take it out on the people that's around you aka the child. The in home parent usually pays more for the child and handles most of the child's daily, weekly, and hourly needs. So unless your giving a far share, if they call and need help, YOU SHOULD HELP. Regardless of how you'll ended. If she can't handle the child, or handle the needs of the child, then go get your child. But it seems like she's not a bad parent but just fell on hard times.
The second thing I want to talk about is your relationship with your fiancé. Not the whole relationship, because I don't know it and that's not what you wrote about. But THIS part of your relationship. You've been with him for five years so you know his tendencies, you know who he is now. That's something I call knowing your personnel. For example; if I was playing basketball, 5 on 5, and I have two teammates that I can pass the ball too. One of them, a good defender, can score at the rim, but not a good long distance shooter. The other, if a great long distance shooter, and okay at other things. If the shot clock is winding down, and I don't have a shot, and I pass it to player 1 beyond the 3 point line, and he misses the shot, then I can't be mad. I know my personnel, I know that he was most likely going to miss that shot. When I could've passed it to player 2, and he most likely would've made that shot.
See you've been around him long enough to pick up on his relationship with his baby mama. You even said she doesn't ask for anything outrageous. You guys have had arguments about this, so obviously you feel that he isn't living up to who you think he should be in this instance. Which is something that if you want to get your relationship back strong, that's something you two are going to have to reconcile and get a solution too this. Let him know you aren't doing this to spite him, but helping someone in need, HIS CHILD AND BABY MAMA. If she plays you then hey, you've gotten played and he can say I told you so.
Now I've said all this to say. I wouldn't call off the wedding just yet. I would see if you two can work this out. I probably wouldn't have just kicked him out, I would've given him the option of us moving them in so they can get on their feet then leaving OR I can move them in and you can go stay at your cousin Ron Ron house. Because I'm going to do what's right and not leave her on the streets. The fact that that's even an option speaks to a character flaw that I don't like in your fiancé. Like hey, you want your kid on the street bruh? But hey .. that's me. So don't throw away your relationship just yet, there are always gonna be hard times. Hopefully he can see the error of his ways and changes for the better. Keep doing you, keep looking out for the people you can help, when you can help, and wake up the next day knowing you aren't a bad person. PLEASE write me back and let me know how this go.
PS If lil Ray Ray or Rayshonda waste some juice on your carpet, make sure you give his/her mama the side eye so she know ... bih get your some in order. This ain't no permanent residence.
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