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Dear MEM - I Never Wanted To Be A Single Mom

Dear Shanice,


First congratulation on your marriage and baby. My name is Breneesha and I am currently pregnant. My baby daddy and I did not plan on getting pregnant and it seems like as soon as I took the test our relationship went to shit. We were living together but he has basically moved out. We have never talked about having kids but we have been together a little over a year. I might see him once a week, and when I ask him where he is going or staying he literally ignores me and leaves. Last week I packed up all of his clothes and told him that he could leave for good and not come back. He is listed on the lease and still pays half the bills. He told me he wasn't going anywhere and once the baby was born he would be back staying full time. Full time? What does that mean? I told him I have basically went through this pregnancy alone and I am fine being a single mom. I have made my mind up that I am going to move into a one bedroom and live alone. I don't know what he is doing, where he is going, and who he is with but I feel like if you aren't staying the nights here then you are cheating. I know he doesn't have another job because I check his bank statements. My baby is due in March and I plan on moving out soon.I'm just confused on what is going on because we never actually had a fight, just one day he stopped coming home. I thought we would get over this little hump if I just gave him space but it's not what I want anymore. I want a partner that isn't going to run away from things just because it didn't happen the way they wanted. We were not using protection and he knew I wasn't on birth control so this isn't 100% my fault. I know you are married but if you were in my shoes what would you do. Thanks,

Breneesha - 

You have brought me out of the DARKNESS and back into the light. Also so sorry for the late reply on this, but as you know with being pregnant yourself I pretty much eat,sleep, and shit all day. Now although I am married, I have thought of being a single mom. I mean we all know of people that we never thought would get a divorce, actually do it. I don't have many thoughts about being a single mom BUT I do have a plan of action if that happens. My husband and I ( before we found out we were really having a human ) joked around about how we would always live close and do 4 days with the kids. So he would have them 4 days and I would have them 4 days. Now your situation is very strange. How does one just up and leave? For me - there would be no - I don't know where you are going and who you are with. Chile either you gone tell me or I'm gone follow yo ass and find out myself! Pregnancy is no fun to go through alone. My first trimester was a shit show and if it wasn't for my husband, I honestly would've probably cried everyday. Your body is doing all types of shit and you throwing up out of all holes in your body like HELL NO WE WON'T GO! Listen if he is going to continue to pay half the bills, I say stay there. Use the space because trust me, a 2bdrm is so much better than a one. Now when he gets back "full time" he can sleep in the baby room because see what you NOT gone do is be laying up in my bed on these good Bed Bath & Beyond sheets and I don't know where your filthy body has been. Nah bruh! Unless he can be 10000000% honest with you about what has been going on the last few months, honey I would consider yourself a single mom, and co parent. Being a single mom isn't a black cloud and you be proud of the angel you bring into this world. Have a serious sit down with him and if he pushes you away .. go get your good girlfriends, dress in all black and borrow one of their boyfriends cars and follow his ass one night. Get these answers! But don't do to jail lol. Have a great pregnancy my love! 

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