Dear Mr. Elevator Man

Listen, I'm not sure why you are locking eyes with me in this conference meeting but it's freaking me out. I was told that it's a rule not to find your "pretty pretty" person while public speaking. Let's just say you failed!!!! I'm not sure if it's the big afro that I have going on today but Mr.Scary man I am NOT trying to be one of your many wives. Then you started saying my name ....... your flipping creepy. I just keep thinking I'm going to get trapped in the elevator with you and the lights are going to flicker and you'll be on top of me like white on rice. You like 6'5 and I'm just 5'3...... You will not be trying to MJ .... nevermind .... that just made my stomach hurt. Listen, I'm not interested. Those 30 second stares you can keep because I have never counted ceiling tiles so fast in my life!! xoxoxo There are 8 on each row

Listen, I'm not here for people parking RIGHT IN FRONT of the stairs where I play rent. YOU PEOPLE need to park several spaces over! I don't care that you have a party every weekend, when you start paying rent then you can park in front of the stairs. May be its just in my apartment complex, but we all have our "unofficially assigned parking space." The mom parks closest to the stairs and her husband parks beside her. My neighbors girlfriend parks 3 spaces from the stairs and we park one space from the stairs. My down stairs neighbor and the next door one park in front of the stairs because one goes to work early and the other works third shift. Now let me tell you weed smoking bum ass kids something, I am going to get a cone and put it in the space. Just thank God that I am not pregnant, because doors would be knocked on and shit would be shat! So if you dont like me stomping really loud and cursing becuase I have to take my groceries from up a hill, down a hill to m

Listen, I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR A HOSTILE ELEVATOR RIDE!! If you would not act like a FREAK when people got on the elevator with us, I mean this is a seven story building, I would introduce you. So since you are mad at me I'll just tell you anyways. The guy on the elevator is Mr. Motorcycle Man. I'm not sure why you felt the need to roll your eyes when he got on and started talking to me, * que mean girls* but you sir need to get a grip. I feel like I'm in a love triangle and I don't even know you people!!!!! I swear I'm going to start taking the stairs. Mr. Motorcycle man is NOT the " new you" as you put it. I can't even believe I am having this conversation with you, I still don't even know you DAMN NAME!! OMG, I just ................................................................................ You my dear need to get back with that girl sexing you like crazy because your losing it. Next elevator ride, I am taking your picture and I am startin

I HATE when people stare at me and YOU MA'AM can't seem to get enough of my face. Now at first I thought, oh maybe it's just me. OH but no girl, it's you! I really would like my face back, I mean, God did give it to ME! If there is something that you need from me , don't ask, because the answer is no. Let's just run down a few things before I end this letter to you umkay? 1. I like men, so if that's the way your boat is rocking .... I hope you can swim, because I'll knock that thing over! 2. I do not want to be your friend. I have ENOUGH. Your weird and VERY ratchet. Plus your hairstyle reminds me of an upside down smashed cupcake.  3. If you think I'm stuck up and your judging me ...... I am and keep up the good work. :)  4. You wear your club clothes to work ..... I mean ... I just .... But maybe ..... DAH IDK!  Until next time,  Please tell me if something is hanging out of my nose since your all up in my face